


He danced the Go-Go for the Bourgeoisie

by Dance_Alone



Category: Hurts (UK Band)
Genre: M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-06-11 00:44:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15303711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dance_Alone/pseuds/Dance_Alone
Summary: Adam, a famous football player, gets involved with Theo, a high-class prostitute, and lives are changed on both sides.





	1. What you’re doing here is murder

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, I'm back with a new story. It's a longer fic and obviously an AU. I hope you enjoy it, even though it's not the usual and won't kill me because I made Theo a prostitute here. ;)

Adam is standing in front of his mirror in his huge bedroom, mostly pleased with the sight that’s greeting him. He looks elegant as usual and he feels ready for whatever may expect him tonight. It’s his 25th birthday and his best friend Paul wants to take him out to celebrate. He actually wasn’t that keen on celebrating because for him it’s just a normal day like every other day of the year, but Paul insisted. He told him they would go somewhere special and promised it would be fun but otherwise he has been very secretive about his plans for tonight.

Before Adam has the chance to ponder about it any longer he hears the door bell ringing. “Always on time this dude,” he mumbles to himself. When he opens the door, Paul is standing there in a nice suit, grinning wildly. “Happy Birthday, mate!” he exclaims before crushing Adam in a bear hug. After some chatting and declaring their brotherly love for each other they are ready to leave to wherever Paul wants to take him. They get into a car with black windows, the driver knows where to go.

“This is gonna be fun!” Paul squeals and manages to look as excited as a 6 year old in a candy shop. Adam shakes his head and laughs. He is really lucky to have Paul in his life. They are quite different. Paul is always hyper and chipper while he himself is much more quiet and tends to overthink things from time to time. But somehow it fits between them, on a friendly basis at least. They are both gay and when they first met about three years ago in a club, they thought that maybe there could develop something between them. They had been on a few dates, but they soon discovered that there was just something missing. No flutter in the stomach, no flying sparks, nothing that would make the heart beat faster. But they ended up as best friends and they are both happy with that.

There aren’t many people in Adam’s life he can trust so blindly. He needs people he can rely on 100 percent. Well, everybody needs that but for him it’s still different. He’s got more to lose than most people when he trusts the wrong person. Adam is a famous football player. He’s playing for his all-time favourite club Manchester United. In this profession you don’t come out as gay so easily. Homosexuality practically doesn’t exist in football. If any, players only come out after they finished their career. So, he doesn’t really have a choice but to hide this part of his private life. He once even presented a fake girlfriend to the world, only to prevent rumours from coming up. But this never felt right to him. Being silent about this part of his life is one thing but lying about it to anyone is another. Adam hated it and so, after a while he “broke up” with that woman and just hoped that there wouldn’t be any suspicions in the future. Therefore it’s all about discretion when he wants to get to know men, which makes everything rather difficult. And Adam knows that falling in love with someone would be even more difficult than an occasional hook-up because having to hide a relationship would add to the pressure. But that’s the price he has to pay for being able to live his dream as a professional football player.

With Paul everything is easy because he’s familiar with Adam’s world. He’s a very successful businessman and knows a thing or two about the high society lifestyle. So Adam doesn’t hesitate when the car pulls up in front of a fancy nightclub, called 42nd street. Adam has heard about it before. It’s a high end strip club with male dancers and in the back there are some nice suites in case the customers want more than just watching from afar.

“Really Paul? You take me to a brothel?” Adam quirks an eyebrow at his friend.

“Oh come on, Adam. Now don’t be a poor sport! Enjoying some drinks and watching some hot bodies moving to the music won’t hurt anyone. The fact that it’s a brothel as well doesn’t have to bother us. But I’ve heard they have the best looking dancers here. It will be fun, you’ll see!” Paul sounds excited about this and Adam has to smile. So yeah, why not? He’s ready to have a fun night out with his lad.

When they enter the club they are immediately surrounded by flashing lights and good music that is luckily not too loud, so that you’re still able to talk to the person next to you. Everything looks fancy of course but Adam wasn’t expecting anything else. There are men of different ages gathered around the huge bar in the middle of the club, sipping their drinks while watching the dancers or just chatting with their company. Adam even recognizes some of them. A politician and some wealthy kid who’s somehow always in the media. ‘Who would have thought?’ Adam thinks to himself. This really must be THE place for wealthy gay men who are interested in this kind of entertainment. He’s sure that most people here recognize him as well, but no one gives him as much as a second glance. Again, it’s all about discretion.

Paul steers him to the right side of the bar next to a small stage where a pretty blonde is dancing. There are different dancers all around the bar. Everything’s built up in a circle. Adam doesn’t think it was coincidence that Paul chose this place that was closest to the blonde dancer. But he is all right with it. He doesn’t really care where they are sitting. All the dancers he’s seen so far are nice to look at with their trained bodies and more or less pretty faces. But Adam is not really into something like that and doesn’t take it too seriously anyway.

They order their drinks and talk a little about this and that, as far as it is possible with Paul being constantly distracted by the blonde. They are laughing and cheering when the dancer is finally down to his slip. It seems like the show is done for the blonde now because he’s leaving the stage after a small bow and something that is probably meant to be a seductive wink. Paul seems to be a bit disappointed that his fave is gone already, even though he doesn’t admit that.

There’s seemingly a shift change now for the dancers and also the music changes to something more sensual and erotic. It doesn’t take long until the next guy occupies the stage next to them. Adam gives him a short look or he intended it to be short but the moment he lays his eyes on this dancer he can’t stop staring at him. He’s got perfectly slicked back dark hair, deep brown eyes and an ear ring in his left ear. He’s wearing tight black pants and a waistcoat under which he doesn’t wear anything. He’s quite lean, but still with well-defined muscles.

When he slowly starts swaying his body to the rhythm of the music, Adam has to swallow. He reaches for his drink to wet his suddenly dry throat. He doesn’t even know why he’s so fascinated by this stranger. There are lots of handsome men in this place, but there’s just something special about this guy. He even moves differently than the other dancers. It doesn’t look so rehearsed and deliberately sexy. He’s got something natural as if he isn’t even aware of the effect he has on other people. And maybe that’s exactly why Adam feels attracted to him.

“You like him, don’t you?” A voice next to him pulls him suddenly back into reality. God Paul, he has totally forgotten about him. Adam finally forces himself to tear his gaze from the dancer and concentrates on his friend instead.

“What? No… But he’s not too bad,” he gives back nonchalantly and takes another sip from his drink.

“Oh Adam, this is the understatement of the year! I agree with you he’s hot. You don’t have to be embarrassed that you have inappropriate thoughts about him!” Adam knows that Paul’s just being silly and wants to tease him but something about this banter makes him uncomfortable.

“If you say so…” he just mumbles and can’t keep his eyes from shifting back to that guy, who is rolling his hips to the music, a bulge visible in his pants. Then he lets one hand slide over his naked chest, down over his flat stomach until he reaches his goal and touches himself through his trousers. At the same time he’s biting his lips and looks Adam straight in the eyes. It’s the first time they make eye contact and Adam nearly can’t handle it. Something about the way this guy looks at him makes his heart beat faster. He quickly averts his gaze and is immediately angry at himself that he’s behaving like a blushing virgin. What the fuck is wrong with him? It’s just a dancer who’s doing his job here, most likely with the goal to charm some men into visiting him later in one of the back rooms. Something about that thought is disturbing to Adam. Maybe he’s had too much alcohol already that his brain doesn’t work correctly anymore. He still orders another drink for him and Paul.

The next time Adam looks over to the dancer he has already thrown away his waistcoat and is currently slipping out of his trousers. He turns around so that the people can admire him from all sides and Adam has to admit he likes what he sees. Paul is whistling next to him and normally he would join in but something’s holding him back. He somehow doesn’t want to attract the guy’s attention.

The dancer finishes his last song and right before he turns around to leave the stage he looks Adam into the eyes one last time with a smirk on his lips. Adam again doesn’t know how to react and just stares after him while he’s walking off, swaying his hips slightly.

Suddenly Paul is right next to his ear, saying “You know you can visit him “backstage”, right?”

Adam feels himself blush. “What the fuck Paul!? I don’t do this. You know I’m not that guy!”

“Hey, relax! I was just joking man,” Paul gives back, a bit irritated. “But you really liked his ass, admit it!”

Adam sighs. “Yes I did. Are you happy? And now I wanna drink some more, we’re celebrating my birthday after all!”

And that’s what they do until sometime in the morning hours.

When Adam is finally lying in his bed, he’s about to pass out immediately. But right before the exhaustion takes over his body, a pair of brown eyes appears in his mind. “That was really too much alcohol today…” he mumbles to himself and falls into a drunken and restless sleep.


	2. I see your face in every crowd

One week has gone by since that visit in 42nd Street. And no matter what Adam is doing, whether he’s in football training, or grocery shopping or just relaxing at home, his thoughts always drift back to that one dancer. At first he tried to ignore it and push those thoughts aside but gradually he starts doubting that this stranger will leave him alone any time soon. The worst thing is Adam just doesn’t understand what is wrong with him. He never experienced something like this before. Such an initial attraction which is apparently so strong that he can’t stop thinking about this guy, with whom he never even exchanged a word.

‘Maybe this is a sign?’ Adam thinks to himself and groans out a moment later in annoyance. He has to remind himself for the umpteenth time that this is not about a normal acquaintance. “He’s a whore for fuck’s sake!” he shouts loudly into an empty room, as if that would miraculously make his fascination for this guy vanish. His brain has known this all along but if he’s being honest, it doesn’t change a thing.

He lets another week go by, pretending it’s nothing. When Paul wants to go out with him on Saturday night, he turns him down, telling him he’s already invited somewhere else. It’s a lie. Actually he has nowhere to be, if it wasn’t for that decision he made the night before. He has to go to that club and hopefully see this guy again. Adam just wants to see him dance one more time and realize that there’s nothing special about him and finally get rid of this spell that has fallen upon him the last time he was there. It’s just ridiculous, really.

*

Adam feels nervous when he returns to the club alone. He doesn’t even know if this guy will dance tonight, but he will have to find out. This time he chooses another place somewhere in the corner and not directly at the bar, further away from that particular spot where this dancer performed last time. He sits there for about two hours, watching different dancers and sipping his drink. It’s quite boring. This is doing nothing for him. Then what’s so different about this one guy? He doesn’t get it. Adam already considers leaving again, thinking it has been a stupid idea to even come back here, when there is another change and new dancers enter the stages.

First he can just see the silhouette of the guy but he knows immediately it’s him. Then the stages are illuminated with light and Adam holds his breath for a moment. Shit, he looks even hotter than he remembered him. Tonight he’s wearing white pants and a see-through shirt. Adam is mesmerized once again. This time, there’s no Paul to distract him and he can fully concentrate on that man. He watches his every move, nothing around him exists anymore. He’s sitting there in the corner hidden in the shadows and feeling like a creep, even though there’s nothing forbidden about it.

When Adam is leaving the club late at night, he knows that his plan failed. Instead of being cured, the fascination has become even stronger. He will come back, he can’t stay away now.  
“I’m so screwed,” Adam mutters to himself while walking over to the waiting taxi but at the moment he can’t bring himself to care. He can’t wipe away that stupid grin on his face either. He feels like a teenager with the first crush on someone...

But soon he can’t think about it as a simple crush anymore. It’s rather an obsession. Adam goes back to 42nd Street whenever he has no other obligations. Paul has of course noticed that they don’t see each other as much as they used to, especially for nights out. Adam finds excuses. He hates lying to his best friend but he just can’t tell him that he spends his nights watching a man who doesn’t even know about his presence in the club. Paul would say he has lost his mind and he would be right. Adam knows it but it still doesn’t keep him from going back there again and again.

After a few visits Adam begins to chat with the barkeeper. He finds out that there exists something like a brochure, in which all the dancers of the club are listed, as well as the times of their dance performances. And even more important he has something else now, a name: Theo. Adam tries it out in his mouth and smiles. It sounds good.

“You seem to be quite interested in him,” the barkeeper says to Adam and nods his head to where Theo rolls his hips seductively.

“Is it that obvious?” Adam asks back, sighing.

“Well, whenever I see you around, you practically devour him with your eyes!” the barkeeper chuckles. “I’m Andy by the way.”

“Adam,” he responds automatically, even though the other most likely knows him if he’s a bit interested in football. “Yes, it’s true. I’m just here because of him. This is not a place I would normally go to on a regular basis but there’s just something about this guy…”

Andy grins at him. “Believe me, you’re not the only one who’s smitten by him, my friend. Theo is quite popular here. Even though there are other dancers with better trained bodies and more professional dancing skills. It just seems to be some kind of magnetic field he builds up around him. Don’t ask me how he’s doing this.”

Adam knows exactly what the barkeeper is talking about. “How long have you been working here?” he wants to know, suddenly curious if he’s maybe able to find out more about Theo through Andy.

“Nearly two years… but that’s not really what you’re interested in, is it?” Andy smirks and Adam feels caught. “If you want to find out more about Theo, why don’t you ask him yourself?”

“Um, I don’t know… I’ve never talked to him,” Adam stammers.

“But you do know they’re not just dancing in this place, right? So, if you want to get closer to one of the dancers, no problem. Just ask Charlie. His office is there in the back and he will arrange everything for you.” Andy smiles at him encouragingly.

Adam feels his face getting hotter. “Of course I know that. I’m not stupid. It’s just… I don’t know if this is the right thing for me,” he mumbles, feeling somehow embarrassed.

“Well, no pressure mate!” Andy claps him on the shoulder and goes over to some other guy to take his order.

When Adam gets home that night, he does what he usually does after visiting the club: touching himself while thinking of Theo. After he’s finished, he’s lying there on his bed, exhausted but somehow still high on adrenalin. He wonders how long he will keep doing this. Dreaming about a guy he will never have, only watching him from afar. What if the fantasy is not enough anymore? He’s thinking about what Andy said to him. _If you want to get closer to one of the dancers, no problem._ But can he really pull of something like that?

Adam lets out a sound of frustration and buries his face in the pillow. Just the fact that he’s even considering to pay someone for sex, is shocking to him. Even though it’s admittedly a bit difficult for him to just casually hook up with someone because he needs to keep his sexuality private at any costs, he’s not that desperate. Seeing a hooker has never been an option to him. Well, until now… But strangely enough, he doesn’t even see a hooker in Theo in the first place. But however he wants to put it, Adam knows he needs to make a decision soon. It can’t go on like that. He has to do something, one way or another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that in reality a dancer wouldn't use his own name and I thought about giving Theo another name, but I somehow didn't want to write a false name throughout large parts of the story, so it's Theo. ;) But anyway, I've created my own universe here and my focus is definitely on their relationship. :)


	3. We want what we never had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my weekend will be rather busy, I decided to already update today.  
> So, have fun with the new chapter, when Adam finally meets Theo. ;)

Adam is standing in his walk-in closet and can’t decide what to wear. His hands are slightly shaking when he reaches for his favourite pants. He’s just not able to calm his nerves. He looks at himself in the mirror. A doubtful pale face is staring back at him. Is he really gonna do this? He never could have imagined that he would even put something like that into consideration. But he can’t bother with his principles right now. All Adam can think about is him. About the way he moves his body to the rhythm, about the way he lets his hand slide through his hair, about the way he looked at him, when he’s been at the club for the first time. Those damn eyes have fucked him forever. Everything is perfectly imprinted in his mind and it just won’t leave him alone.

The desire for this man is burning him from inside out and he has to do something now. He wants to… no, he needs to have him. Just once. And then he will leave and never come back, never see Theo again. That’s what he’s told himself. Adam nods towards his reflection in the mirror, reassuring himself that he’s doing the right thing. After that he grabs a silky black shirt and puts on some jewelry. That has to do. Hopefully Theo will like it. The moment the thought crosses his mind, Adam rolls his eyes at himself. He’s not going on a date for Christ’s sake. He’s about to have sex with a prostitute and the only thing Theo will like about him, is his money. At that thought Adam feels an uneasy feeling in his gut, so he decides to stick with the date fantasy. It’s easier this way.

When Adam arrives at the club, being greeted by the oh so familiar neon sign of 42nd Street, he can barely control his nervousness. But at the same time there’s something else: anticipation to finally meet Theo, talk to him, touch him… Before he gets too excited, Adam shakes himself out of his daydreaming and heads straight to the back of the club where Charlie’s office is supposed to be. Theo doesn’t dance tonight, so Adam hopes he will be available for the other part of his job.  
After knocking on the door, he enters the room and finds a middle-aged stocky man sitting there behind a desk.

“What can I do for you, Mister?” Charlie smiles at him, but it seems fake.

Adam feels the urge to turn around on his heels, but he answers anyway: “Um… I’m here because I want to meet one of your dancers. Theo.”

“Oh I see!” Charlie’s smile turns into a grin, which looks more like a grimace. “Let me see if he’s free… One hour I guess?”

“Eh yes,” Adam gives back. So far he hasn’t even thought about any details of how this “business” works.

“You’re lucky, Mister. Theo is free at the moment. Given the fact that he is one of our most popular dancers, it’s better to make an appointment for future encounters. It would be a pity, if we had to send you away, wouldn’t it? The contentment of our customers as well as an absolute discretion enjoys highest priority in our house.”

“Okay…” Adam mutters, thinking to himself that he’s not planning to come back anyway.

“Since it’s the first time I see you around, I will give you some information about our conditions. We charge 1,500 pounds for one hour. You are not allowed to have private appointments with our prostitutes. They work for this house only. I know about every business and every appointment that is made.” The man leans back in his chair and continues his instructions in a monotone voice. “You can carry out all common sexual acts, which contains oral sex, anal sex, fingering or hand jobs, genital rubbing or masturbation. Special kinks cost extra and it needs to be discussed beforehand if it’s acceptable in this house or not. For penetrating sexual intercourse the use of a condom is required.” Charlie tells him all these things as if he was talking about the weather. But well, it’s his daily business after all. “So any special wishes?” Charlie asks with this stupid grin plastered all over his face again.

Adam has to clear his throat before he’s able to answer. “No, nothing out of the ordinary…” he eventually mumbles, feeling more than uncomfortable, that he has to talk about these very private things with a third person. And he asks himself all over again why he’s even doing this.

“Alright then, if there are no questions left, I wish you a pleasant evening, Mister. Theo is waiting for you in room 7.”

Adam just nods and leaves the office as fast as he can. He rounds a corner and follows the corridor, searching for number 7. When he’s standing in front of the door, he takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself at least a bit. His heart is nearly jumping out of his chest and in that moment Adam seriously considers to just cancel his stupid plan. But then he imagines Theo’s handsome face and recalls all those nights spent longing for Theo and how much he wished to just be able to touch him for real. And now he is so close. Just the door is separating them. Before he knows it, Adam has already lifted his hand and knocked. He holds his breath for the next second and then the door is opened and he comes face to face with Theo.

“Hi,” the other smiles at him. He looks even younger and somehow more innocent now that he’s not surrounded by those flashing lights of the club and not dressed in one of his sexy stage outfits. This time his clothes are more simple and elegant. He’s wearing a red shirt and black trousers. He looks stunning.

When Adam notices that he has just been standing there staring at the man, he quickly averts his gaze and follows Theo into the room. He takes in his surroundings. Everything looks very luxurious with a couch area in the middle of the room, next to it a mini bar and of course a big and comfy looking bed with lots of cushions in the far corner. Next to the bed is another door, which probably leads to a bathroom.

“Do you want a drink? Champaign or something else?” he hears Theo ask behind him.

“Um, do you have whiskey?” He just needs something stronger now. Maybe it would calm him down a bit.

“Sure!” Theo pours two glasses of whiskey and hands one to his guest. “I’m Theo, by the way.”

Adam takes the glass and hopes Theo won’t notice that his hand is shaking. “Thanks. I’m Adam.”

“Manchester United, right?” Theo asks nonchalantly, clearly used to meeting famous people.

“Oh yes! Are you interested in football? Maybe even a fan of the club?” Adam is thankful that Theo makes it easy for him. Talking about football makes him always feel good about himself.

“Well, actually I’m a supporter of Middlesbrough. But of course, living in Manchester also brings some kind of connection to the football club,” Theo gives back with a little sheepish smile on his lips.

Adam wants to ask him if he’s not originally from Manchester but he’s unsure if Theo’s okay with questions about his private life. He doesn’t want to be too intrusive right at the beginning and so he just nods and takes a sip from his glass.

Theo does the same and then he puts his glass aside, looking Adam in the eyes. “Okay Adam, what do you want us to do tonight?”

“Um… I don’t know…” Adam starts hesitantly. That’s not entirely true. He’s got a pretty good idea what he wants to do with the man in front of him, it just feels weird to be so straight forward. They have barely exchanged a few sentences.

“We can just sit here and talk or we can go straight to business. Whatever works for you, Adam. It’s your hour, it’s all up to you,” Theo tells him with a sweet smile on his lips.

Well, he didn’t come here to talk, did he? He came here to give into his desire for Theo, to live out his fantasies and hopefully get it out of his system all and for once. “I want to touch you!” he blurts out, his voice sounding strange in his own ears. So, this is really going to happen now.

Theo’s grin widens and he steps right in front of Adam, looking at him the same way he did when he was dancing. He takes the glass of whiskey out of Adam’s hand and just stands still and very close. “Alright then, Adam. I’m all yours,” he says in a deep and seductive voice.

Adam can’t suppress a shiver and starts awkwardly roaming his hands over the other’s upper body. He feels insecure and the fact that Theo’s studying his face doesn’t help at all. “It’s the first time you’re doing this, isn’t it?” Theo suddenly asks, even though it doesn’t really sound like a question.

“What? No! I’ve had sex with men before!” Adam exclaims bewildered.

At that Theo chuckles softly. “No, that’s not what I wanted to say. I meant… you never took use of our service.”

“Oh yeah, of course…” Adam says, scratching his chin and feeling stupid that he didn’t get it right away. Great! He’s managed to embarrass himself within the first five minutes. But well, now he can as well just be honest. “Um yeah, you’re right. I’ve never done that. Actually I still can’t believe I’m doing this. It’s just… I’ve seen you dancing and I was kind of fascinated… I mean, you’re really good…” he trails off, forcing himself to hold Theo’s attentive gaze.

“Thank you!” is all Theo gives back with a somehow pleased look on his face. “Don’t think too much, just enjoy,” he mumbles before he lowers his lips to Adam’s throat, placing a few light kisses there. He then starts unbuttoning Adam’s shirt, covering the newly exposed skin with his lips. Adam feels goosebumps rise on his whole body and he lets out a soft sigh. Theo’s touches feel damn good and now that they’ve finally overcome that first barrier, he feels himself relax more and more.

Then Theo suddenly slides down on his knees in front of him, taking hold of his belt buckle. He looks up at Adam questioningly with those big brown bambi eyes. Adam feels a jolt of arousal wash through his body. How can Theo look so innocent and seductive at the same time? It drives him crazy.

“Oh yes, please go on,” he hears himself say in a husky voice.

Theo smiles shortly and then wastes no more time to get Adam’s pants open and pull them down together with his boxers. The trousers slide down to his ankles and before the older one has a chance to get completely rid of them, Theo has already taken hold of his thighs and with no hesitation he wraps his sinful lips around Adam’s cock. 

Adam lets out a moan because of the sudden pleasure that shoots through him. God, this is even better than anything he has imagined before. This man has a fucking talented mouth. Theo lets his tongue swirl around the head, dips it into the slit and then continues sucking in all the right ways. Adam has his hand gripped tight in Theo’s hair, breathing heavily in between groans. He has his eyes closed because watching Theo on his knees, his lips wrapped around his cock, would have made him come right away. But no matter how much he tries to hold himself back, he feels his orgasm coming closer dangerously fast. The things Theo makes him feel are just too much. With the last bit of willpower that is left in him, he pulls at Theo’s hair and croaks out a breathless “Please, stop!”

Theo retreats immediately and looks up at Adam a bit surprised. “Not good?” he asks, licking his lips.

“Too good…” Adam mumbles, a bit embarrassed that Theo managed to bring him so close to the edge in such a short amount of time. But really, what did he expect? He has dreamt about this man for weeks. Of course it’s overwhelming now that he can have him for real.

Theo just nods as a sign that he understood and gets up from the floor. He starts to open the buttons of his own shirt, making sure to send Adam some heated looks while undressing in front of him. Adam watches his every move impatiently. He can’t wait to finally get his hands on Theo’s delicate body.  
So, when Theo is standing there fully naked, Adam doesn’t hesitate one second. He grabs Theo by the waist and pulls him flush against his own body. However, when he tries to catch the other’s mouth into a passionate kiss, Theo turns his head to the side. “I’m sorry Adam,” he says “but I don’t kiss clients on the mouth. You can kiss me anywhere else, just not there.”

Adam feels disappointed. Kissing is very important to him. It always gives him a deeper connection to his lover and fuels his passion. But well, Theo is not his lover and he is not the one who’s making the rules here.

“Alright,” he gives back, not wanting to show Theo that he’s affected by the rejection in any way. Instead he begins to suck on Theo’s throat and places his hands on the other’s firm ass, rubbing their groins together. He walks them both into the direction of the bed, only letting go of Theo when they arrive there. Theo crawls onto the bed, letting himself sink into the soft cushions. “How do you want me, Adam?” he asks while stroking himself to full hardness.

“Like that,” Adam answers, aroused by the sight that is offered to him. He moves onto the bed as well, positioning himself on top a Theo.

“Okay,” Theo whispers in his ear and reaches for a condom and lube, which he hands to Adam.

“Um… Do you want me to prepare you?” Adam asks, not wanting to do anything wrong.

“You can finger me first, of course, if you like that. But it’s not necessary. I am already prepared,” Theo answers. When Adam gives him an astonished look, he explains further: “Well, you know, most men don’t want to bother with preparation, so I rather do it myself beforehand. It’s easier and saves me from pain.” Theo shrugs his shoulders.

Adam feels something in his chest tighten and he kisses Theo on the cheek before he whispers: “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s all.”

Theo slides a hand through Adam’s hair. “I appreciate that,” he says and when he smiles, it’s somehow different. The moment feels more honest to Adam than anything he’s gotten from Theo so far. Again he suppresses the urge to kiss Theo on the lips and instead sits up a bit. He opens the condom, rolls it over his length and lubes himself up. When he’s ready, Theo pulls him on top of his body again, spreading his thighs a bit wider.

Even though Theo is totally relaxed, Adam forces himself to go slow. He’s just so sensitive at the moment and with Theo feeling so amazing around him, he doesn’t want it to be over too soon. Adam sets a steady pace that seems to work for both of them. He just hopes that Theo’s moans are real and not just an act to please him. It’s important for him to make his partner feel good as well and with Theo it’s no different. It doesn’t matter if he’s a prostitute. First of all he’s a human being and he’s there with him in the moment, sharing intimacy.

When Adam picks up his pace and angles his hips a bit differently, he can feel how Theo’s body shakes under him. With every thrust their groans become louder and Theo digs his fingernails into Adam’s shoulders. His legs are wrapped tightly around Adam’s body, supporting his movements. Adam watches the other’s face the whole time, not wanting to miss anything. Theo has his eyes closed, his head thrown back, his expression totally blissed out. Now that he’s sure that Theo is enjoying himself, Adam lets go completely. He slams into Theo’s body with full force, desperate for release. With some harsh strokes on Theo’s length he makes sure to take the other down with him. The orgasm hits him like a huge wave that buries everything underneath. No air, no sound.

Next thing he knows is that he’s lying totally spent on top of Theo, who is gently stroking through his hair. Adam lifts his head to look at the other. “That was wow,” he says and Theo smiles at him, looking equally exhausted but satisfied. Theo caresses his cheek for a moment and then tells him that he can clean himself up in the bathroom, if he wants to.  
Adam would have rather stayed here in bed with Theo cuddling a bit but a look at the watch tells him that his hour is almost over. With a sigh he lifts himself up, gets out of the bed and goes over to the bathroom, discarding the condom on the way. He picks up a wet wash cloth and returns to Theo to clean the mess on his stomach and chest first.

“You don’t have to do this…” Theo says. There’s surprise on his face.

“I know, but I want to,” Adam mumbles and after taking care of Theo, he takes his clothes and retreats into the bathroom again, getting himself into a presentable state.

When he steps back into the room, Theo is sitting on the couch. He has put on a bathrobe in the meanwhile. “You can put the money there on the counter,” Theo says calmly, not looking at him and Adam has to swallow. Not because of the money, but because it reminds him that something that felt so precious to him, was just another job for Theo.

“Yeah sure,” he gives back and does as he was told. “Well then… goodbye I guess.” The situation feels strange and unreal to him. They’ve been so close only minutes ago and now he feels like there is an invisible wall between them and he has no clue how to break it down.

Theo gets up from the sofa and stops in front of him. “Goodbye Adam,” he says and puts a warm hand into Adams neck, pulling him close and kissing him softly on the cheek. It’s more like the touch of a feather, but something about this gesture makes Adam’s stomach flutter and a happy feeling spread through him. He looks at Theo one last time and wants to say something, something meaningful. But nothing would have fit. And so he leaves the room without another word.


	4. Give yourself to another night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since it's too hot to sleep, I can as well just update the story. Enjoy! :D

If there’s one word to describe Adam’s current state of mind, it would be confusion! He’s done something he has never done before, never thought he would do. He had sex with a hooker. No, he can’t see it like this. He had sex with Theo. And his feelings about this couldn’t be more mixed up. On one hand he feels happy and kind of euphoric. It had been wonderful, there’s no way of denying it. He had enjoyed it very much. And Theo was everything he imagined and more. But on the other hand those circumstances are just so strange for him. It somehow leaves a bitter taste he can’t get rid of.

Adam wonders if one can get used to it with time and that is when he actually realizes how ridiculous it was to believe that one time could be enough. Nothing can ever be enough when it comes to Theo. He should have known. He couldn’t stay away in the past when he was just watching him dance. How could he stay away now that he had the full experience? He still doesn’t understand how all of this could happen to him but now it was somehow too late to hit the brakes. Adam decides for once in his life not to overthink everything and just see what happens, where the road will lead him. He’s on unfamiliar ground but if what he did was a mistake then it was one he wants to make again.

*

The next time he sees Theo is one week later. He called Charlie beforehand to make an appointment as he had been told. This time he asked for two hours because he wants to spend more time with Theo.

When he’s standing in front of room number 7 again, he doesn’t feel as nervous as the previous time. It’s mostly excitement now. Theo opens the door and greets him with this beautiful smile of his: “Hi Adam, come in!” Adam chooses to ignore the little flip in his stomach and follows Theo into the room.

The “meeting” is a bit less hurried than last time, given the fact they have an hour more. But otherwise it’s pretty much the same. They start off on the couch with a drink, talking a bit. Just small talk. Then Theo switches from talkative to seductive, his mind clearly set on the actual purpose they are here for. But this time Adam has made it his goal to pleasure Theo in the first place and not the other way round. Theo seems to be surprised about Adam’s wish since this is surely not what his clients usually want from him, but he goes along with it of course.

Adam goes down on him when they are still on the couch, using every trick he’s ever learned. He teases the hell out of him, turns Theo into a writhing and panting mess. He makes him fall apart, makes him come, screaming Adam’s name. Adam can’t help but feel a bit proud at himself. After that, Theo quickly tries to regain his composure. But it’s obvious that he has difficulties to collect himself. So Adam just leads him over to the bed, laying down next to him.

“What about you Adam? Do you want me to return the favour? Or you can fuck me if you want…” Theo props himself up on an elbow, looking at Adam expectantly.

“I’m fine,” Adam returns, smiling widely.

Theo lets his eyes wander down Adam’s body. “No, you’re not,” he smirks. With that he places his hand on the other’s crotch, massaging him slowly but firmly. Every protest gets stuck in Adam’s throat and he can do nothing but surrender…

Some time later, when they’re lying next to each other in silence, Theo suddenly says: “I didn’t think you’d come back to be honest.”

“Why’s that? I guess you could tell I liked it last time,” Adam gives back a bit surprised.

“Yeah… it’s just… I had the feeling you’re a bit uncomfortable with the whole situation,” Theo looks at him curiously.

Adam thinks about his answer for a moment but decides to go with the truth. “You’re right. I’m just not used to something like that as you know. But you make me feel good and that’s all that matters at the moment.”

“Okay, I’m glad,” Theo whispers and a small smile appears on his lips.

*

During the following weeks, Adam visits Theo on a regular basis. If it wasn’t for the money he pays every time afterwards, it would in fact feel as if he was going on some dates with a guy he wants to get to know and see where it goes. Except that with Theo it won’t go anywhere but Adam doesn’t want to think about it too much. He wants to enjoy the moment and he wants to believe that Theo enjoys it too. But actually he can’t be sure of it. Even though Theo seems to be really into it, he has to remind himself from time to time that Theo’s still doing a job and he himself is just one of many clients. Another thing he rather pushes aside.

But despite of everything when he’s together with Theo, for Adam it feels like they’ve created a little bubble around them and nothing else exists anymore. The sex with Theo is amazing and exciting. They try out different things, get to know each other’s bodies, learn what works best for the other. Adam becomes more and more desperate to kiss him. But even without that he feels like the connection between them has become stronger.

And it’s not just about sex. Most times they lie in each other’s arms afterwards and just talk. It’s a kind of closeness Adam craves at least as much as the physical one, if not more. They talk about anything and everything. One time Adam opens up to him about his life as a famous football player. How incredible it is to be able to live his childhood dream but he also tells him about the downside of his fame, about the difficulties of being gay in the world of football.

“There are always two sides to it, aren’t there?” Theo says thoughtfully. He probably takes the fact, that it’s problematic for Adam to get to know men because of his job, as the reason why the other takes use of his service. That’s not true, at least not entirely. For Adam it’s never been about satisfying his needs in general, it’s always been about Theo. However, he won’t correct Theo in his assumptions.

Another thing they talk about a lot, is – how they found out – a passion they share: music. They often lose track of time when they exchange their opinions on different styles of music, different artists, when they talk about what they like about this song or that. In his free time Adam likes experimenting with melodies and sounds. He plays the guitar and the piano and constantly tries to improve his skills. It’s the only thing he was really ever interested in besides football.

Theo tells him that he likes singing and writing lyrics. It’s beautiful how his eyes sparkle when he talks about something he loves.

“When I came to Manchester, I’ve been in a band for a while. It was called Daggers. We wanted to make it big,” Theo says while his head is resting on Adam’s chest.

Adam stops playing with Theo’s hair and looks at him surprised. “Oh really? And what happened?”

“Well, we were shit and it didn’t work out as you can tell…” There’s a hint of bitterness in Theo’s tone.

Adam stays silent for a while and continues stroking through Theo’s hair. It’s not the first time he wants to ask Theo how he came to do what he’s doing now, but he never dared to. Too afraid, that the question could be too intrusive, too private, that Theo doesn’t want to talk about it, that he would hurt his feelings. But then, at least for Adam it feels like they’ve built up something like trust between them over the past weeks so maybe it is alright to dig a bit deeper now. Theo can always refuse…

“Theo…” he starts hesitantly, “I don’t know if it’s okay to ask you about it and you don’t need to answer if you don’t want to… but I was wondering how you came to this place… to this job,” he added quietly, biting his lip in anticipation of Theo’s reaction.

He hears Theo’s sigh. “I knew you would ask one day…”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Adam immediately offers.

“No, no it’s fine,” Theo sits up and rests his back against the headboard. Looking down at his hands, which are playing with the sheets, he starts talking: “I was 18 when I came to Manchester. I began to study here and lived in a student hostel, which belonged to the university. I always had some side jobs and the student loan to pay for rent and food and whatever you need for a living. It wasn’t easy but everything was better than at home. For the first time in my life I felt some kind of freedom…”

Adam notices the tension in Theo when he was talking about his home but before he has the chance to ask him about it, Theo already continues, looking him in the eyes.

“You know Adam, it wasn’t easy for me at home. Actually it was horrible. My father has been an alcoholic for years. He was so angry all the time… He beat us, too… me and my siblings. And my mum, she just watched. She’s never been strong enough to stand up against him, to defend us. To cope with it she began to drink as well, it just became worse and worse. She never hurt us physically but she just wasn’t there, it was like she’s living in her own world.”

Adam doesn’t even know what he should say. Theo looks so lost all of a sudden and so he just takes him in his arms, kissing his temple.

“I was glad when I was old enough to leave. But I’ve got a brother and two sisters. They are all younger than me and they were still living in that hell. I wanted to get them out of there one day, but before I could do that I had to build up a life by myself. I dreamt about becoming a famous and successful musician. It would have solved all my problems and it would have been something I loved. So, naïve as I was at that age, I really put all my hopes into that band Daggers. It was very serious for me but the other members just regarded it as a hobby mostly. Today I know it would have never led anywhere, we were just not good enough.”

“Maybe you should have tried with other people who share the same ambitions,” Adam interjects.

“Yeah maybe…” Theo gives back but there’s some kind of resignation in his voice, “the problem is those people are hard to find and then there was one night that changed the game completely.”

Adam is suddenly not sure anymore if he really wants to know, but he lets Theo continue anyway.

“We were playing a gig with Daggers in some seedy bar in Manchester. It was an average night with an average audience. But when I was having a drink at the bar afterwards there was suddenly a guy. Charlie. You know him.”

Adam just nods and grits his teeth.

“He told me about this club of his. 42nd Street. And that he’s always searching for new young and beautiful dancers. He told me I would be perfect.” Theo’s looking down again.

“He convinced me to give it at least a try and I did. I knew what I was getting involved with, I wasn’t that stupid. But I also knew that this could be a way into a new life for me and my siblings. He opened up a whole new world to me. I earned more money than I ever thought I would. For the first time I could afford something for myself, have a bit of luxury but the most important thing was, that I could finally support my siblings. At that time my brother was old enough to live on his own. He got the guardianship for our two little sisters, who still go to school and now all three of them live together in an apartment in Richmond, where we are from. I send them money every month and they are finally able to live a good life, away from our abusive parents. That’s all that matters.”

Adam has to swallow. “When was that...? I mean… How long have you been doing this?”

“Nearly three years ago. I’m 23 now. My siblings don’t know what I’m doing. I made up some job where they pay good money. I don’t know if my brother still believes in this story but he never asks too much.”

“I think they should know, Theo” Adam says and bites his tongue afterwards. It’s not on him to interfere in any kind.

“No, they would only worry. And I just want them to be happy,” Theo gives back determined. 

“Yeah, but you pay the price for it. I’m sure they want you to be happy, too!” 

“What tells you I’m not happy? And everything in life comes at a price, doesn’t it?”

Theo sends him a challenging look and Adam doesn’t know how to answer to that. The image of sleeping with different men nearly every day and not being able to say no, is just horrible to him, but who is he to judge? He doesn’t know shit about Theo and his life. So maybe if you’ve been through so much, the definition of happiness is shifting as well.  
So Adam just mumbles a “You’re right, I guess.”

Theo snuggles a bit closer in his embrace and Adam feels a warm feeling spread through his body. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me those things. I don’t take it for granted.”

“It’s okay. I don’t have anything to hide,” Theo returns, smiling a bit. “So, anything else you wanna know?”

‘A thousand things’ Adam thinks to himself but at the moment he settles for one thing that suddenly came to his mind while listening to Theo’s story. He knows he won’t get it off his mind if he doesn’t take the chance to ask now.

“Well, actually there’s indeed something... I haven’t even thought about it before but now that I’ve heard your story… I was wondering… Are you even gay? I mean just because you were asked to do this doesn’t necessarily mean that you…”

“I like both, men and women,” Theo interrupts his awkward babbling. “But why is that important to you?”

Adam feels kind of relieved by Theo’s answer. “Well, honestly I would feel strange sleeping with you and knowing that you aren’t attracted to men at all. I know you’re doing a job, but it’s still different…”

Theo musters him for a while but then just says: “Yeah, I think I get that.”


	5. Kisses burn like fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter, new closeness... Hope you like it. :)

Adam has just finished his salad for lunch when his phone is suddenly ringing. It’s Paul.

“Hey dude, what are you up to?” comes the chipper voice of his friend through the phone.

“Nothing really, and you?”

“Oh I had the idea that tonight we could go to that club again. 42nd Street. You know the one where we celebrated your birthday. It was so much fun and the dancers were reallyyyy hot. Please Adam say yes!” Adam could just imagine the puppy eyes the other would probably make if he could see him right now. And he instantly feels bad. Not only because he will have to destroy his friend’s plans, but also because he will indeed go to said club tonight, but sure as hell not with Paul and not to watch some random dancers. He’s going to see Theo again. Finally. It’s been three weeks since the last time. He couldn’t make it earlier because of football obligations in another country. So now nothing would keep him from seeing Theo again and he has to find an excuse for Paul.

“Yeah, it would be fun but unfortunately I’ve already plans to go on dinner with some football mates. I’m sorry…” Lies. Again. But there’s no other way. He can’t tell Paul about Theo.

“Okay then… Maybe some other time…” The disappointment in Paul’s voice is obvious, so Adam hurries to arrange something else with him on another day. That seems to satisfy Paul at least for now.

*

The moment Adam knocks on Theo’s room, the door is already swung open and before he can even blink he’s pulled into the room and then into a tight hug by Theo. “Adam! Good to see you again,” the other mumbles into his neck.

Adam can’t help but feel happy about the affection Theo is showing towards him. “Did you miss me?” he asks before he can think about if the question is appropriate or not.

“Mmmh, maybe a bit,” Theo says after pulling back. There’s a sheepish smile on his face. “You want a drink?” He quickly changes the subject and heads towards the minibar.

“Actually I just want you,” Adam whispers in his ear, encircling Theo from behind.

Theo immediately leans back into his touch and it feels so familiar already. “Okay, I think I can work with that…” the younger one returns with a smile. There’s also seduction in his tone, which already fuels Adam’s excitement. 

So, it’s no surprise that things heat up pretty quickly between them. After some foreplay Adam rolls a condom over Theo’s length and lets himself sink down on him, straddling his lap. It’s strange, but they don’t even have to communicate with words so much anymore. Adam just takes the lead and shows the other how he wants to have him and Theo always seems to get it immediately. Sometimes Adam wishes that he could give up the lead to Theo, but he knows the other won’t take it given the roles they’re in. Those roles he’s constantly reminded of even though he feels the connection grow between them. It’s bittersweet and confusing as hell.

Adam moves slowly and deliberately on top of Theo, just enjoying the feeling of their joined bodies. He wants this to last a bit. Theo lets his hands roam over Adam’s chest and shoulders, thrusts up a bit harder than necessary, not matching Adam’s pace. He looks restless and somehow impatient. And then he brings out a breathless “Please faster Adam!”

Okay, that’s new. Theo has never before asked for anything. He always went along with what his client wanted and needed. And that’s exactly why this little request makes Adam happy. Theo really wants him and he’s ready to give Theo everything he needs. So he picks up the pace, lets his movements become rougher and is immediately rewarded by a loud moan from Theo.

After some time when Adam feels he’s close to reach his orgasm, he leans forward so that he’s hovering over Theo, supporting his weight with his arms propped up on both sides next to Theo’s head. They are both panting heavily by now and while their movements become even more ecstatic he suddenly feels Theo’s hand in his neck, pulling him closer and then there are hot and wet lips against his own. Adam kisses him back before his brain has a chance to even register what’s going on. He eventually comes while kissing Theo passionately and it feels fucking amazing. Theo follows him soon after, moaning into his mouth.

After lying next to each other in silence for a while and Adam getting his brain to work again, he finally sits up a bit and looks at Theo. “I thought you don’t do kissing on the mouth. I mean… don’t get me wrong. It felt… I really liked it, I’m just surprised…”

“Yes I know, I told you so at the beginning. But now… I don’t know... the situation is different somehow. We’re not strangers anymore Adam,” Theo gives back after a short pause.

“So, you usually kiss your regulars when you get to know them better?” At that thought Adam feels disappointed or even a bit hurt, even though there’s no reason.

Theo averts his gaze, looking uncomfortable with the conversation. “No, it’s not something I usually do. It was just a spur of the moment thing, it somehow fit. Can we just drop it now?”

“Yeah ok, sure…” he mumbles, not wanting to annoy Theo. He doesn’t really know what to think about it but a part of him is hoping that this spur of the moment thing will happen again in the future.

*

When Adam is leaving the club, his mind still with Theo and the wonderful kisses and intimacy they shared, he suddenly bumps into a person before he can reach the exit. He automatically wants to say sorry, but the apology gets stuck in his throat when he realizes it’s Paul standing in front of him.

“Wh… what are you doing here?” he stammers, looking at Paul with wide eyes.

“I guess the question should rather be: what are YOU doing here?! I asked you to come with me tonight to watch some dancers but as far as I remember you planned to go on dinner with your team so I decided to go alone even though it’s not that much fun,” Paul explains, raising his eyebrow in a challenging manner.

“Um yeah, the plans have changed…” Adam states, desperately trying to find a way out of this situation. “…and I thought maybe I could meet you here after all!” The moment the words are out he knows this is the worst excuse ever.

“Oh stop lying Adam, dammit! Do you think I’m stupid? I’ve been here for about half an hour and you were nowhere in sight and just for your information I saw you coming from the back rooms. But you didn’t see anything, just smiling like the cat that got the cream, completely oblivious to your surroundings! So, don’t give me your bullshit and tell me the truth!” Paul seems to be really angry now and Adam can’t blame him.

Adam sighs deeply, feeling bad for disappointing his friend by lying to him. “Okay, let’s talk. But not here. Wanna come with me to my place?”

*

One hour and an honest conversation later the two men are still sitting in Adam’s living room, having a drink. Adam has told Paul everything, how he came back for Theo just to see him dance at first and how this at some point wasn’t enough anymore. It feels good to finally get it off his chest and to be able to talk openly to Paul, but he’s still worried what his friend might think of him. Adam feels the need to justify himself.

“You know, I still can’t really understand nor explain how it could come so far… It’s not like I couldn’t get some without having to pay for it. But there’s something about Theo… It just feels good and right and that’s why I keep doing it.” 

Paul looks at him for a long time. “You know Adam, I really don’t care how you spend your money. I would never judge you or think less of you. If you’re having fun with a prostitute, so be it. But I guess you made it clear that it’s not just about a good and uncomplicated fuck and that’s what worries me actually…”

“What do you mean? Why are you worried?” Adam feels confused by his friend’s words. 

“Adam, you’re totally smitten by this man… probably since the first time you laid your eyes on him. I was there and I still remember that moment but I never thought you would take it this far. I’m worried because you lose yourself in a fantasy. Theo can never be what you want him to be.”

Adam can see the concern in his friend’s eyes but he doesn’t want to hear any of it. “God Paul, stop exaggerating! You don’t even know what I want from Theo or how I feel about him. I like him and I think we’ve got some kind of connection and we definitely have good sex. And that’s enough for me and worth paying the money. End of story.” Adam isn’t entirely sure, if he only wants to convince Paul or maybe also himself a bit.

“Okay, I won’t argue with you about this because clearly nothing could keep you away from him at the moment. Just… please be careful Adam. I have a feeling you regard this as some kind of relationship that doesn’t exist. Theo is not a friend with benefits, not even an affair. He’s a man who is paid for sleeping with you and god knows how many other men. Whatever he tells you, whatever kind of affection he shows to you, you can’t be sure if any of it is true. The workers in this club are first class whores who are perfectly trained to please their clients in every way in order to make them come back for more. And Theo’s got you hooked Adam and you know it.”

“Don’t call him a whore! He’s more than that!” Adam spits out, feeling hurt and angry and everything in between. He feels protective of Theo but at the same time there’s a fear in him that Paul might be right.

“Oh Adam, you’re really in love with him, aren’t you? I should have never taken you to that club…” Paul mumbles the last part more to himself than to Adam.

“Bullshit! I’m not in love with him! And I think you should go now Paul. I really don’t have the patience for a conversation like that. No wonder I tried to keep this to myself for so long and I really regret it didn’t work.” Adam just feels exhausted all of a sudden and the need to be alone is stronger than ever.

“Yeah, I will go now. I understand that my words are too much for you at the moment and I’m really sorry Adam. I don’t want to hurt you, I hope you know that. But as your friend I see it as my duty to be honest with you. Anyway, I will call you these days when hopefully everything has calmed down a bit. Good night Adam.” Paul looks sad but manages to smile a bit before he makes his way to the door.

“Good night Paul!” Adam shouts after him in the last moment. After all, deep inside he knows that Paul only wants the best for him, even though at the moment it’s hard to take.


	6. Rent me your body, I’ll pay with my soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting intense here, sliding out of control... I'm dying to know what you think. Hope you still like it!

As promised Paul has called him two days after their quarrel. They were both calmer than the day Paul found out about his secret but truth is, their relationship is still strained somehow. For the sake of peace Paul has agreed to keep his mouth shut about the thing with Theo for now but Adam knows that the last word is not yet spoken in that matter.

What annoys Adam the most is that he keeps thinking about the things his best friend said to him. He just can’t get it out of his head. Paul’s objection somehow forced him to face up to the whole situation and change his own perspective. Even though he wasn’t ready to admit it to Paul the other day, deep down he knows that there are definitely feelings for Theo which he probably shouldn’t have, given the fact the other is a prostitute.

However, it’s not something he has any control over. Looking back now Adam thinks nothing concerning Theo has ever been in his control. Right from the beginning there has been a fascination he never managed to fully comprehend. And now everything has become so much more. Theo is not just the object of his desire anymore, he’s real now. They got to know each other, they shared intimate moments, not only in a sexual way.

Maybe Paul was right after all and he is in love with Theo. Once Adam allows himself some honesty about his feelings, he finds that the thought isn’t even as scary as it probably should be. He just knows there is something between Theo and him and no matter what Paul says, he believes in this connection. He can’t imagine Theo playing with him just for the sake of his job. He could see the truth in his eyes when Theo opened up to him, telling him his story. And then last time when Theo kissed him… he wouldn’t do those things if Adam was just an ordinary client to him.

Maybe Theo and him could be something more after all. He will have to find out…

*

“And then after football training I was playing the piano and out of nowhere there was suddenly a melody that somehow got stuck in my head. I think I’m going to work on that when I find time…” Adam tells Theo, who is currently lying in his arms, caressing his skin with his long slender fingers. They are lying on the bed together, talking and cuddling, still exhausted from earlier activities.

Without any question they’ve immediately started kissing as soon as Adam was inside the room and Adam felt a thousand butterflies swirling around in his stomach. He can’t even remember the last time he felt like this. And when he was looking in Theo’s eyes while their bodies were connected, meeting his tender gaze, in that moment Adam just knew that this is what he wanted. Always. He wants to have Theo in his life, he wants to fall asleep and wake up next to him, he wants to get to know every bad habit Theo might have… he just wants Theo to be his.

“I’d love to hear you play the piano,” Theo’s voice suddenly pulls him out of his thoughts.

Adam tightens his hold around him, hesitating a moment before he answers. But eventually he decides to take the offered opportunity to test the waters. “Maybe… we could just do that. We could meet at my place and just… spend time together… without any stupid time limits. What do you think?” He can’t keep the hopeful tone out of his voice.

As soon as the question is out, Theo tenses in his arms. A moment later, he sits up, looking Adam in the eyes. “You know I’m not allowed to have private meetings with clients, Adam. I’m sure Charlie introduced you to the rules.” His tone is rather cool all of a sudden.

At the word ‘client’ Adam feels a sting in his heart, but choses to ignore it. He sits up as well, not wanting to give up so easily. “Yes, I’m familiar with the rules. But Charlie wouldn’t have to know… and I thought maybe you would like that, too. Just getting to know each other outside that room…”

Theo looks away for a moment, hiding his eyes from him. “It doesn’t matter Adam. I won’t risk this job, under no circumstances. I just can’t. My siblings count on me. I’m the only one they have.” He sounds sad but also very determined.

Adam realizes that this is dead end. Theo will never do anything to risk his job. So, he has to come up with something else. Something that will convince Theo, that he doesn’t even need this job. So without any further thought he blurts out: “I could pay the money for your siblings, they would have everything they need and you wouldn’t need to do this anymore.” To be honest he hasn’t even thought this through beforehand but at the moment it seems like the only possibility, the only logical consequence.

Theo stares at him with wide eyes, mouth agape. “I think you have lost your mind, Adam!” He seems shocked by Adam’s offer.

“Why? Theo, please think about it. I know you’re taken aback now. But it could actually be a chance… if you want that of course…” He gets quieter to the end, unsure if he maybe misinterpreted Theo’s behaviour and the feelings aren’t mutual after all.

Theo closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath, before he looks at Adam again, pleading in his eyes. “Adam please, don’t do this. We shouldn’t go down this road, it will never work. This is not ‘Pretty woman’… I hope you understand that. And now I must ask you to leave, because your time’s almost up. I’m sorry.” With those words Theo gets up from the bed and puts on his bathrobe without looking at Adam anymore.

Adam feels defeated. He can’t believe Theo let him down like that. Disappointed and somehow dazed he gets up from the bed as well, putting his clothes back on without bothering to freshen himself up as he normally does. He just wants to get away as fast as possible. He needs to be alone and he needs to think. Theo watches him as he puts the money on the kitchen counter and gets up from the couch, probably to hug him goodbye. But Adam can’t take this right now, so he just mumbles his goodbyes, turns around and leaves.

*

The next day Adam makes a decision. He had a sleepless night, playing the same scene in his head over and over again. But thinking about it always leads him to the same conclusion. He doesn’t regret what he suggested to Theo and he still thinks that Theo has feelings for him as well. He’s just too afraid to act on them. And Adam can’t really blame him. This job is all he has known for years now and in addition to that he feels a huge responsibility for his younger siblings. It’s a lot of pressure and maybe he’s unsure if he can trust Adam. But Adam doesn’t plan on giving up so easily. He just has to try harder to gain Theo’s trust. Theo’s worth fighting for, he just knows it. He needs to talk to him again. Maybe now that the other has slept over it as well, he won’t be so opposed to his idea anymore.

Adam immediately grabs his phone and calls Charlie’s number to arrange a meeting with Theo for tonight, silently hoping that he soon won’t have to do it this way anymore.  
His hopes get shattered the next moment, when Charlie tells him that Theo’s not free tonight as well as the following two nights. Then Theo’s got two days off, so it’s almost a week until he’s able to see Theo again. But of course Adam complies, what else can he do?

After hanging up, Adam feels dejected and angry and just so damn helpless. It’s awful that he can’t just see Theo when he feels like it and even more awful is the reason for it. For the first time he actively pictures Theo with other men and the jealousy he feels is overwhelming. He can’t take it at all. He’s always known what Theo does, he’s always known that he’s sleeping with numerous people and he never liked that thought. It was disturbing right from the start but nothing can be compared to the pain he’s feeling now. It’s choking him until he nearly can’t breathe anymore.

Adam has to shake himself out of his exasperation and hold on to the hope that he will be able to convince Theo in the end. He wants nothing more but a chance with the man he cares for so deeply. If Theo won’t quit this damn job, he doesn’t know what he’ll do. He will probably go crazy…

*

When the day has come and he’s finally standing in front of Theo’s door again, Adam feels more nervous than ever. He’s scared that this conversation won’t go the way he hopes for so desperately. Theo opens the door with a tense smile on his face. He tries to overplay his uncertainty with the usual small talk but Adam can see right through him.

“Theo,” he interrupts the other’s babbling. “I need to talk to you again. I still stand by everything I said to you last time, I still mean it,” he comes straight to the point.

“Oh Adam, please drop that subject already. It won’t lead us anywhere. Let’s just enjoy the moment. That’s why you’re here after all…” Theo lets his hand slide over Adam’s chest, sneaks it behind his neck and pulls him in for a kiss.

But before their lips can meet, Adam pulls back and frees himself from Theo’s grip. “No, that’s not why I’m here Theo! A moment is not enough for me. Not anymore. We could have so much more than that. Can’t you see? Please just let me help you, until you find another job. You could even pay the money back, if that’s what’s bothering you. You just need to trust me a bit.”

“Ohh Adam stop that!” Theo growls frustrated. “I don’t need your help! I’m fine.”

Adam just looks at him for a moment. It’s not easy for him to talk about his feelings but he somehow needs to make Theo understand how much he means to him. “Theo, I really like you, you know. And I thought you might feel the same. We’ve been so close. You can’t tell me it was just sex or you doing your job.”

“Yes, and I should have never let you get this close. It was a mistake, I can see that now. Sometimes people cross our path and we feel some kind of attraction to them, but it’s not meant to last. We live in completely different worlds Adam. I can’t be what you want me to be, there’s no future for us,” Theo says silently, letting his gaze drift to the side.

“But why not? Just because you’re too scared to face the truth? You don’t have to do this here. You could have a better life… with me,” Adam exclaims impatiently, not getting why Theo is so reluctant to admit his feelings and to consider the possibility of having a chance together.

“Which truth Adam? And stop treating me like a charity case. I don’t need your money. I have a well paid job. For society it might not count as much as being a football hero, but I am who I am and I’m not ashamed of it! I’m okay with my job. The only one who seems to have a problem with it, is you!” There’s anger flaring in his eyes now and the whiskey brown colour is turning dark.

Adam doesn’t know what to do anymore. He feels completely misunderstood and Theo’s stubbornness is driving him mad. He balls his hands into fists and without thinking he spits out his next words: “So you wanna tell me you like taking it up your ass from different men every day?”

“And what if I do? It’s none of your damn business! And by the way, you love giving it to me up my ass. So, this doesn’t make you any better! Stop playing the saint!” Theo shouts, his voice barely under control. He’s looking directly into Adam’s eyes, challenging.

Adam feels rage rising up, which he can hardly contain and then something inside him snaps. “Okay, if you like it so much to be a whore, then you can as well be treated like one. Take your clothes off and then I want you on your bed on all fours!”

Theo looks at him totally shocked. He’s just standing there frozen to the spot, probably not knowing if the other is serious.

“What are you waiting for? I’m not repeating myself!” Adam’s tone is commanding, his voice foreign in his own ears. It’s like someone else is talking.

Theo’s jaw tenses and he casts his eyes downwards, refusing to look at him while he’s undressing in the middle of the room. When he’s done, he struts over to the bed and positions himself as he was told.

Adam has to swallow at the sight but before any doubts have the chance to creep in his consciousness he quickly gets rid of his clothes as well and goes over to the bed as if he was remote controlled. The words of their fight are still ringing in his head and his mind is clouded by fury and despair because he’s never going to have Theo.

He needs an outlet for all the frustration and the strange kind of arousal he’s feeling and so he hastily puts a condom over his length, grabs Theo by the hips and pushes in. The other is prepared as usual and Adam lets himself go right from the start. He slams into Theo’s body with quick and hard thrusts, everything set on the goal to get his release.  
Theo just takes it silently and when his arms give out under him because of the harsh movements, he just buries his head in the pillow. Adam finishes up quickly and reaches his climax with a loud moan. He crashes down on top of Theo, feeling dizzy. Afraid that the other might not get enough air he eventually rolls to the side after that.

Theo rolls on his side as well, not saying a word. He pulls his knees to his chest, back showing to Adam. Adam risks a glance at the other, slowly realizing what he’s done. Now that the haze in his brain has lifted, he is horrified about his own actions. How can he look Theo in the eyes ever again? He feels like the last piece of shit.  
He reaches out one hand to touch Theo’s shoulder but lets it sink down again before there’s an actual contact. “Theo…” he croaks out instead, sounding as pathetic as he feels. “God, Theo I’m so sorry. I don’t know what got into me. Please don’t hate me,” he whispers.

Theo doesn’t show any reaction for some moments but then he slowly turns around, covers himself with the duvet and very hesitantly meets Adam’s gaze. He looks hurt, his eyes shimmering as if he’s having a hard time not to cry. It breaks Adam’s heart to see him in this state, knowing he’s done that to him.

“I don’t know what to say. I just… I was so angry. But I should never have done that. I… I love you Theo!” he stammers, desperately trying to make Theo understand how sorry he is.

At those last words Theo closes his eyes, biting his lip to keep it from quivering. But he can’t stop one single tear escaping from under his closed eyelids, rolling down his cheek. Adam wants nothing more than to hug and kiss him, but he keeps the distance.

Theo takes a deep shaky breath and opens his eyes again. “You lose yourself Adam,” he says calmly. “You should leave now and never come back.”

Adam feels his heart sink at Theo’s words but at the same time he knows that the other is probably right. He doesn’t belong in a place like this, where the most intimate thing between two people is treated as a business. He has always known that, but his affection for Theo has made him forget it for a while. Despite of everything he kept coming back for more, fueled by the naïve hope that everything would turn out fine in the end. This hope is shattered into a thousand pieces now.

Knowing that there’s nothing he can do to save them, Adam leaves room number 7 and the club right afterwards. He feels tears well up in his eyes and can barely hold it together. Suddenly there are lyrics in his head that have never felt more accurate. _And I hurt myself by hurting you…_


	7. Until your heartbeat hurts no more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, since I made you suffer so much with the last chapter, I thought I'd post the next one a bit earlier. :D

Theo lets his gaze slide over his stage outfits, not able to decide what to wear for his dance performance tonight. While doing so he’s humming quietly to himself. It’s a sad tune but it seems he can only come up with something melancholic lately. It’s been a month since he’s sent Adam away. Adam. The mere thought of him hurts. 

Why did it have to end like that? Actually Adam has been the best thing that happened to him in a very long time. He had been different right from the start. The way he cared for Theo, the way he treated him as if he was something special and precious, the way they clicked with every conversation more and more. It was impossible to not fall for Adam. 

So he let him close. Too close. And that’s when everything began to get out of control. Theo actually knew better than to become attached to clients, but even though it was wrong it still felt so right. He silenced every warning voice inside of his head and let himself just enjoy the moments with Adam. Of course it couldn’t go on like that forever. He knew it and it still came as a shock when Adam suddenly wanted more from him than some bought hours in his suite. The little bubble they had created burst and Theo was forced to face reality, where he was just a hooker, never able to fit into Adam’s glamorous world. 

And yet, he doubts his decision every day more. Maybe he should at least have considered Adam’s offer. Maybe it would have indeed been a chance to start a completely new life. But then again, it would be such a huge step in an unknown future. He can’t just decide for himself, he always has to think about his siblings, too. At least until they are able to live their own lives. And then there is also another thing. He’s unsure of his own feelings. Would they even be strong enough to share his life with Adam? Theo has had sex with more men than he can count but he never had a real relationship. Before he started to work in 42nd Street he felt too young to start something serious with anyone and also his priorities where clearly set on getting out of the hell that was his home. And when he started doing what he was doing he never even tried, because how should it work? And with Adam it’s basically the same question. Theo never learnt how to commit, how to trust. He probably would just fuck everything up. 

But now it’s too late anyway. Adam is gone for good and Theo can’t help wondering if he’s done the right thing by sending him away. But he was so hurt that day. Adam didn’t do him any physical harm of course and to be honest Theo has experienced worse things by far and it’s actually quite normal to him to be treated like a thing you can use and throw away afterwards. It only affected him so much because it was Adam. But he knows that the other didn’t mean it, that he was driven by despair. Still, it was a wakeup call for both of them that it can’t go on like this, which doesn’t change the fact that he misses Adam with each passing day more.

Just when Theo decides to put on his white trousers and a black leather west, his work phone starts ringing. So it can only be Charlie who informs him about new appointments with clients. And that’s exactly what happens, only that Theo nearly drops his phone when Charlie tells him that one of them is Adam Anderson who comes by Friday night. Three days! Theo can’t believe it. He thought he would never see Adam again. But even though he’s really happy that Adam will come back to him, he’s also worried about what will happen when they see each other again. After all, they still face the same problems they had one month ago.

*

Adam thought he would never return to 42nd Street and yet here he was again, facing the familiar door of Theo’s suite. There’s been a huge struggle inside of him if he should really come back but after the worst month of his life he just couldn’t take it anymore. He can’t sleep properly, he hasn’t met any friends or family and his performances in the last football matches are worse than ever. 

Adam has no clue if he’s able to change something with this visit and how Theo will react but he has to try at least. The way they parted was just so awful and the least he can do is to apologize one more time. 

When Theo opens the door, he seems to be as unsure as Adam is feeling. After entering the room, Adam breaks the silence first. “Theo, I know you’ve told me to never come back but I just couldn’t stay away, not with everything going so damn wrong the last time. I’m just here to talk, nothing else. I understand if you want me to leave right away, but I still hope you will at least hear me out.” He looks at Theo with pleading eyes, the whole desperation of the previous month coming to the surface again.

Adam braces himself for Theo’s reaction, silently hoping it won’t be too bad but what comes next catches him totally off guard. Theo closes the distance between them and pulls him into a hug. He buries his head into the crook of Adam’s neck and mumbles a “I’m glad you came back” against Adam’s skin. 

Adam feels such a strong relief wash through him that he’s afraid for a moment his knees will give out under him but he’s also confused by the other’s reaction. “You’re not throwing me out? You’re not mad anymore?” 

Theo pulls back to look Adam in the eyes. “I’ve never really been mad, Adam. Just… disappointed maybe. But I had time to think and we’ve both made mistakes. We let the situation slide out of control and what happened last time was the consequence of that.” 

Adam has no idea how they could gain that control back. At the moment he’s just overwhelmed by his own feelings. “Theo, I miss you. I just… I need you in my life.”

He can see affection in Theo’s gaze and next he feels the other’s hot lips against his own. Adam’s eyes flutter shut and he immediately responds to the kiss. Theo lets his tongue slide against Adam’s and sighs softly into his mouth while deepening the kiss. They are both hungry for it after one month of separation. The sensation of finally feeling Theo this close again lets Adam forget that he actually just came here to talk. 

But when Theo pushes him towards the bed and already works on the buttons of his shirt, at least a bit of brain activity comes back to Adam. “Theo, wait! What are we doing? We just talked about losing control and I don’t think this is the right way to get it back. If we just pick up where we left off, nothing will change…” 

Theo lets out a sigh. “Yes I know…” However, despite his words he kisses his way along Adam’s jaw up to his ear, where he stops and whispers “…but I don’t care. I want you Adam.”

Adam shutters, not sure if it’s caused by Theo’s words or the hot breath against his ear. Probably both. Adam wants to object but he already feels Theo’s hand roam over his body again and his resistance slowly melts away. He just wants this man too much to be reasonable in this moment. So he lets passion take over and gives Theo a shove, so that he lands on the bed behind him. Adam hasn’t even put much force into it, but Theo flinches visibly, his face showing signs of pain. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Adam looks at the younger one with confusion and concern. 

“Uh, it’s nothing. I mean I’ve got a small injury but it’s not that bad…” Theo tries to brush it off. 

Adam furrows his eyebrows at that. “Injury? Where? Let me see!”

Theo rolls his eyes but starts unbuttoning his shirt and when he reveals his upper body Adam’s eyes go wide. The other is full of bruises and it doesn’t look “small” at all. 

“What the fuck happened?” Adam kneels down beside the bed to take a closer look at Theo’s body and then looks up in his face again, waiting for an answer. 

Theo is clearly uncomfortable with the situation but knows that Adam won’t let this go. “Let’s say I had a very unpleasant meeting with a client yesterday.” 

Adam grits his teeth. “What did he do to you?”

“He wanted some… stuff I don’t do, not even if he would pay extra money. I told him that politely and then without any warning he freaked out completely. He threw me into the night stand and kicked me afterwards. I had no chance, he was stronger than me. Luckily security came shortly after that because the yelling could be heard nearby.” Theo was staring at his hands in his lap the whole time while telling this.

“Oh shit Theo… if I would get this sick bastard, I swear I would…” Adam states furiously but gets interrupted by Theo.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine. It’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad? Just look at yourself! Have you even been to a doctor?” Adam can’t believe Theo acts as if it was nothing. 

“Yes, I have. There are two rips broken. But you can’t really do anything. It just needs time to heal.” Theo tries to calm Adam down but actually just achieves the opposite effect. 

“Jesus Theo! Exactly, you need to heal! How can you go on working? I mean it’s… um… physical effort. You should rest for some weeks. I’m sure that’s what the doctor told you.”

Theo huffs, annoyed by Adam’s interference. “Yes sure… but how should I do that? What I get paid is mostly measured by the number of clients I take. So if I don’t do anything for a few weeks there won’t be enough money to support my siblings this month. No clients, no money. It’s an easy calculation.”

Adam remains silent for some moments, thinking about the options. He gets Theo’s dilemma but there’s no way the other can keep doing this while being so hurt. And he doubts that any of the clients will be careful with him. The thought alone makes Adam feel sick. 

“Theo, I know you don’t want this, but I could still help you out with your siblings, just for the time you need to heal. Please think about your health. You won’t help your siblings if you don’t care for yourself and maybe cause further damage.” Adam silently prays to every god he’s ever heard of that Theo will take this offer.

Apparently his last comment got Theo to think and when he eventually agrees, Adam can’t believe it. Overwhelmed he kisses Theo breathless. When they finally part again to get some air, Theo has to chuckle about the other’s enthusiasm. 

But he becomes thoughtful again, when Adam asks his next question. “Will you stay with me for that time, so that I can take care of you? There are no football games the following weeks, so it would be perfect.”

And again Adam is surprised, when Theo after some pondering finally says: “Okay, let’s try this. But Charlie can never find out. Promise me he won’t!”

“I promise,” Adam reassures the other. He’s just so incredibly happy that there is finally some perspective. He gets Theo out of here, at least for the next weeks. And he gets to spend time with Theo and he will do everything to show Theo in those weeks that this is the life they could always have, if he’s ready to take the final step. It’s a big chance and he won’t mess this up. He just can’t.


	8. We both know love is not that easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New month, new chapter. ;)

Living with Theo is something Adam can definitely get used to. He’s more than grateful to finally have the chance to get to know him outside of Theo’s room, outside of his bed without any time limits and restrictions. For the first time it’s not about sex between them. It’s out of question because of Theo’s injury in the first place and also, Adam wants to take it as an opportunity to show Theo that he cares for HIM and not just his body. He feels like that could be an issue between them because of how they got to know each other. Of course, for Adam it has never been just about sex but they still ended up in bed together every time they met.

So, right when Theo moved into his spacious house, Adam insisted that he would take his own bedroom. He wants to give him space to figure things out. Not pressure him to act like a couple or something, while their state of relationship is still rather vague and undefined as well as their future.   
Theo however still starts some attempts to get closer to Adam, as soon as his injury has started to heal. It’s familiar ground for him. Something he knows and that gives him a feeling of safety and control. But even if it’s admittedly hard to resist, Adam stays strong and doesn’t give in to him. He wants them to be serious with each other the next time they’re sleeping together. He wants Theo to take a commitment which includes quitting his job and starting a new life with Adam. He can’t go back to sharing Theo with numerous other men, it would never work.

Even though both are well aware that a decision has to be made sooner or later, they hardly talk about this subject and rather enjoy spending their time together. And it’s a lot of time, nearly every hour of the day. And no matter how often Adam tells himself to be careful, not to get too involved… one smile from Theo and all his doubts melt away. He’s falling for this man every day a little more. 

*

One afternoon, after about three weeks of Theo staying with Adam, they are sitting together in Adam’s music room like many times before. It’s kind of their favourite place in the whole house and their favourite way to spend their time. 

Finally Theo got to hear him play the piano and Adam finally got to hear the other sing. And it was a moment he will never forget. Theo’s beautiful voice immediately crawled under his skin and touched something deep inside of him. He was captured right from the start and found it was hard to look away when Theo gets lost in the music. It’s a side of Theo he never got to see before. So much passion, so much raw emotion, so much beauty. Adam desires him like no one else before.

Currently he lets his fingers slide over the piano keys, playing whatever comes to his mind. Theo has stopped singing along and is just watching him now. Over the past weeks they even managed to create some melodies together with Theo adding some words here and there. It works out surprisingly well. 

“We should write a song one day,” Theo says suddenly.

Adam looks shortly over to him, not interrupting his playing. He doesn’t really know what to say. He would love to, of course. But if Theo is returning to his old life soon, they won’t get the chance.

When Adam remains silent, Theo asks: “You don’t want to?”

Adam lets out a small laugh, shaking his head. “Of course I want to. But we’re on borrowed time, aren’t we?”

Theo says nothing for a while, just watches Adam intensely. The melody he’s playing sounds even more melancholic now, a feeling of goodbye resonating with every note. Panic starts rising inside of him. Theo feels as if this is his last chance to change their fate, if he doesn’t want to lose Adam for good. Without any warning he all of a sudden blurts out: “I will talk to Charlie and quit the job.”

Adam is so stunned that his fingers slip from the keys, which produces a terrible inharmonic sound. But he couldn’t care less in this moment. “You do what?” he croaks out disbelievingly, staring at Theo with his mouth agape.

“I will do the final step. I don’t want it to be over between us.” Theo looks him in the eyes, determination in his gaze. “…I’ve thought about this all the time and I don’t want to go back there, I don’t want to do this again,” he admits more silently, looking down now. 

Adam is speechless. He waited so long for Theo to say those words and now it happened just like that. His first reaction is to storm over to Theo, nearly knocking over his piano chair in the process, and hug the hell out of him. He takes Theo’s head between his hands and kisses him so wildly as if there’s no tomorrow. 

Theo immediately slings his arms around his neck and lets out a content sigh while indulging into the sweet feeling of being so close to Adam again. He’s longed for it every day since coming to Adam’s house und now that he finally gets it, he doesn’t want to waste any more time. He steers Adam into the direction of the small couch in the corner of the room, never detaching from his mouth. Adam lets himself fall backwards, pulling Theo with him, on top of him. 

“You don’t even know how happy you make me,” he mumbles between hot kisses against Theo’s lips, while their hands are already busy with unbuttoning each other’s shirts…

*

It’s been a few weeks since Theo put his plans into action and talked to Charlie about quitting his job. Of course the man wasn’t happy at all with Theo’s decision, since Theo has always been one of his most popular dancers. As an experienced business man he knows that losing Theo will also mean losing some of the customers in 42nd Street. But of course he can’t force Theo to stay and so there’s nothing left to do than wish him good luck for the future. Whatever his plans might be, Theo didn’t open up to him about it. 

Quitting the job also meant having to leave his apartment since it also belonged to Charlie and he only lets his employees stay there. But Theo couldn’t afford an own apartment now anyway and it was clear from the beginning that he will continue staying with Adam. Of course he’s not happy about the fact that at the moment he’s completely living of Adam’s money and the little savings he has, but he’s trying to find a job as soon as possible to at least be able to share some of the bills. He will probably never be able to pay him back fully, but that’s the consequence of choosing a life with Adam instead of his job as a high-class prostitute. 

Adam doesn’t mind it at all. As a football star he earns more than enough for both of them but of course he understands that Theo wants to earn his own money as well in order to be able to financially contribute. He can also tell that Theo’s frustration is growing every day when he doesn’t succeed in finding a job during the first weeks of being together with Adam. Theo keeps most of it to himself though, acting in front of Adam as if nothing is bothering him but Adam’s not stupid. He knows that the other is not satisfied with the situation at all and the worst thing is that he can’t do anything about it. All he wants is for Theo to be genuinely happy but he can just watch helplessly how Theo seems to become unhappier day by day. 

And he doesn’t even know if the job situation is the only problem. Actually it’s all good between them, they get along well and enjoy spending their time together whenever Adam isn’t busy with football. But there’s still this feeling, that something might not be right. Theo doesn’t really open up to him. He doesn’t share his thoughts and feelings, is rather reserved in some situations, while Adam wants them to be emotionally close. But it’s not something you can force and Adam probably just wants too much too soon.

*

“I’m going for a walk while your friend comes over. It’s been a while since you met him, so I guess you have a lot to catch up,” Theo states while walking past Adam who is preparing some snacks in the kitchen. Adam has invited Paul over, since he really misses his best friend and also feels guilty for neglecting him for some time now. Despite of everything Paul never let him fall and bore with him through all the ups and downs.

“I actually thought you would join us…?” He feels a bit disappointed that Theo has apparently decided not to stay. It would mean a lot to him if Theo and Paul got to know each other, especially now that he can call Theo his boyfriend. He has hoped a meeting would somewhat change Paul’s - let’s say - ‘difficult’ attitude towards Theo. 

“Another time…” Theo gives back with a small smile that comes out a bit forced. 

Before Adam has the chance to answer, the doorbell is ringing. He goes to answer the door and let Paul into his house. Paul greets him with a hug and then his attention flies over to Theo who’s standing a few steps behind Adam, watching the scene.

“Hello Theo,” he says, going over to the other man to greet him with a handshake. “I’m Paul.”

Theo greets him back and after that a few words are exchanged in the hall. The situation can’t be described as anything else but awkward. Paul is very reserved towards Theo, who acts polite as always. Theo has enough experience how to deal with unpleasant encounters and he just slips into a role. But Adam can still tell that he would rather escape as soon as possible and that’s exactly what he does when the first opportunity is offered. He says his goodbyes and wishes both men a fun evening. After a kiss on Adam’s cheek he’s out of the door. 

Adam is sure he won’t be back until late at night. It wouldn’t be the first time. That’s another thing he’s not too happy about. Theo going out on his own every now and then without even asking if Adam wants to come along. He doesn’t know with whom Theo is meeting up or where he’s going. When Adam asks, he just gets vague answers. He doesn’t want to be too inquisitive and he doesn’t want Theo to feel as if he was in a golden cage. So he lets him be, silently hoping that one day he will be introduced to Theo’s friends.

Adam lets out a sigh and leads Paul into the living room. “You could have been friendlier,” he states slightly annoyed. “Why do you dislike him so much? You don’t even know him and he hasn’t done anything. He’s my boyfriend now. So please try to deal with it.”

Paul huffs. “It’s not that I don’t like him. As you said I don’t even know him… it’s just… you’re my best friend, Adam and I’m still worried.”

Adam rolls his eyes. “What is there still to worry about? You told me there will never be a chance for Theo and me and now that we proved you wrong you found something else to worry about? Paul, he quit his job because of me. Doesn’t that count anything?”

“Believe me, I really hope everything works out fine for you two. But what if Theo’s love is not as deep as yours and he just needed a way out of his old life? You gave him the perfect opportunity and you can offer him a life other people can just dream of. Have you ever thought about this Adam?”

“Are you implying he just uses me?” Adam feels himself getting angry. “It took me a while to convince him to even give us a chance. So please stop your accusations.”

Paul realizes he has gone too far. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I probably do him wrong. Please forget what I just said. If you are happy, then I am happy. You know I just want the best for you, man.”

“Okay, apology accepted,” Adam says, not wanting to get into a fight again.

“Thank you. And now let’s talk about something else. You won’t believe what happened to me last week…” Paul starts babbling and everything feels like it always does when he’s spending time with his lad. 

But something of the conversation earlier sticks with Adam. He can’t get rid of them. The small doubts. Somewhere in the back of his mind. Even though they have been there for a while now, Paul’s words only made it worse and it becomes more and more difficult to ignore them. What if all of this really doesn’t mean as much to Theo as it does to him? Not once has Theo said that he liked him. He hardly shows affection outside of bed. Deep down Adam is afraid that he can’t make Theo happy, that one day Theo realizes that he has made the wrong decision and a life with Adam is not what he wants, what satisfies him on the long run.

Adam shakes his head. He’s probably overthinking and catastrophizing again. Theo just needs time to adjust to the completely new life situation. No one said love was easy after all.


	9. Is this the end of a love that has just begun?

Soon after Paul has left, Adam has gone to bed. It’s late already and he’s trying to get some sleep. But he doesn’t really succeed because he isn’t used to sleeping alone anymore. Theo is still not back and Adam misses him. He keeps tossing and turning until he hears footsteps out in the corridor. Finally! Theo’s back home. When Theo opens the bedroom door and tiptoes into the dark room, Adam just lays still and pretends to be asleep. He doesn’t want Theo to know that he has waited for him or - more accurate - that he’s unable to fall asleep without him.

Theo crawls into the bed and immediately scoots close to Adam. Adam can’t help but smile when he feels Theo spoon him from behind. Apparently he’s not the only one longing for closeness. He finds Theo’s hand around his waist and squeezes it lightly.

“You’re awake?” Theo whispers. Adam feels his hot breath in his neck and can smell alcohol.

“Hmm…” he gives back, trying to sound a bit sleepy. “Are you drunk?”

“Only a bit… But I can sleep in the other room, if it bothers you…” Theo offers immediately.

“No, don’t be silly. I’m glad that you’re here now,” Adam quickly clarifies and turns around in Theo’s embrace so that he can face him.

“Me too…” Theo whispers so quietly that Adam almost misses it. 

‘Why did you even leave then?’ Adam thinks to himself but he doesn’t want to ask. Instead he stretches his neck a bit to get his head closer to Theo’s, searching for his lips. The other welcomes him immediately and they start kissing quite passionately. 

“Are you very tired?” Adam mumbles between kisses.

“No… why?” Theo asks, amusement in his voice.

“Hm, just out of interest,” Adam grins, while he lets his hands slide over Theo’s body down south.

“Do you have hidden intensions?” 

“Maybe,” Adam chuckles but presses his body against Theo in the next moment, so that his intensions are not really hidden anymore...

*

When Adam wakes in the morning, he can already see the sunlight peeking through the closed curtains. He can feel Theo’s warm body pressed to his back and sighs contently. For some minutes he just stays in this position, enjoying the closeness of his lover and listening to Theo’s deep breaths that indicate he is still fast asleep. However when the pressure on his bladder becomes too strong, he is forced to get up. Careful not to wake Theo, he frees himself from the other’s hold around his waist and rolls out of the warm and comfy bed a bit unwillingly.

After returning from the bathroom Adam sits down on the edge of the bed and just watches Theo for a while. He looks so peaceful, as if nothing in this world could bother him. Adam wishes it would always be like that. He feels the sudden urge to protect him, even though he’s not sure against what. He desperately wants Theo to be happy… with him.  
He lets the tips of his fingers slide over Theo’s forehead, carefully brushing away one strand of hair. However, when Theo begins to stir slightly under his touch, he pulls back and decides to occupy himself with something else. He grabs his muted phone from the nightstand and with the first look on the screen he realizes that something must have happened. So many missed calls and messages, from friends and - what worries him more – also from his manager and important people from his football club. 

It doesn’t take him long to figure out what has caused all this fuss and the moment he spots a screenshot of a newspaper article he wishes he had never checked his damn phone. After reading a few lines, Adam goes pale and lets his phone sink down.

There are pictures of Theo and him, taken a few days ago. They were out for dinner and Adam actually thought they were safe there from paparazzi but apparently, he was wrong. The pics are taken from outside the window and show how he leans over the table to give Theo a little peck on the mouth. Adam remembers this moment. Theo had just been so cute and he couldn’t resist showing him some of the affection he was feeling.

He put aside his caution for one minute and now he’s involuntarily outed as gay in front of the whole world. There’s no way he could deny anything. The pics are sharp enough and Theo is very obviously a man. And what’s even worse, the bastards of the press somehow found out who Adam’s acquaintance is. “ManU Star Adam Anderson spotted with a male hooker” – the scandal is perfect. Shit. Further down in the article it’s also mentioned that Theo has apparently left the establishment a few weeks ago and it is speculated weather he wanted to change his lifestyle for Adam and if it’s maybe something serious between them.

Adam throws the phone next to him on the bed and buries his head in his hands. His heart is racing and the only thought in his brain is: ‘No, this can’t be happening!’

“Is something wrong?” He suddenly hears a sleepy voice behind him. He doesn’t even know where to start and how to explain to Theo, he’s a total mess. So he just keeps silent and concentrates on breathing.

“Adam? What has happened?” Theo sits up, touching his shoulder lightly. There’s concern in his voice now.

Since Adam doesn’t trust his voice, he just hands his phone to Theo, the article still opened. Theo takes it and begins to read… A “fuck” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. And then: “But h… how did that happen? We… we should have been more careful! Shit Adam! What does that mean now? For your career I mean? Do you think it will be a big harm? But maybe we could…”

“Theo please! Stop it!” He interrupts Theo harshly and when he finally turns his head to look at the other, Theo is just sitting there on his knees, looking like a lost puppy with guilt written all over his face. 

“I… I’m sorry. I just can’t take that at the moment. I need to think…” Adam mumbles, his voice softer now and with that he gets up and leaves the bedroom and Theo behind. 

*

The following day Adam has talks and negotiations with the people responsible for the management issues of his football club. The last hours since the scandal was out have been tough for Adam, having to deal with everything that stormed in on him at once. Theo didn’t really know what to do. He wanted to help Adam, to support his partner, but he just felt useless somehow, which stressed him out even more. Adam noticed Theo’s struggles of course, but he was just too worked up himself to be able to comfort Theo in addition to everything.

And now after the meeting with the club bosses Adam doesn’t even know what he feels anymore. Empty in the first place. When he comes back home, Theo already awaits him impatiently. He doesn’t talk right away, takes his time to take off his shoes, shrug out of his coat and put everything back in its own place. He can feel Theo’s eyes on him all the time. The other is probably trying to figure out how it went. Adam goes over to the living room, where he sits down on the couch rather stiffly. Theo has followed him.

“They won’t extend the contract. It’s over.” There he said it.

Theo stares at him, shocked. “But can they do that so easily? You’ve done nothing wrong, Adam. They can’t just drop you!”

Adam sighs deeply. He actually doesn’t want to talk at all at the moment. He would rather hide under a blanket and stay there the whole day or week or whatever. But Theo deserves better and maybe in the end it’s good for him to discuss those things with someone. Maybe it would lift some of the burden.

“It has just been bad timing Theo. We were discussing about my contract anyway these days, but without the scandal the contract extension would have been a sure thing. Well now, the tables have turned.” Adam lets out a sarcastic laugh. “They fear about their reputation and don’t want to take that risk…”

“It’s not fair,” Theo says silently. “You are a good footballer. You could try with another club. You don’t need them!”

Adam shakes his head, resigned. “I don’t think it would be any different. It’s over Theo and I have to accept that.”

“It’s all my fault. I destroyed your career. Everything you’ve worked for so hard!” Theo looks absolutely miserable. “I’m so sorry Adam!” 

“Hey stop that! Come here and listen to me.” Adam pets the space next to him on the couch. He doesn’t want Theo to feel guilty for what has happened and he needs to make that clear. 

When Theo is sitting next to him, he puts an arm around his shoulder, pulls him close. “Nothing about this whole mess is your fault, you hear me? I knew it would be a risk to be in a relationship with a man but I would make the same decision anytime…”

“Yeah, but maybe it wouldn’t be that bad if you were with someone else, but I am…”

Adam doesn’t let him finish, already sensing where this is going. “You are a wonderful man and I’m very happy to have you in my life.”

Theo doesn’t seem convinced at all. More as if he’s having a hard time to accept Adam’s kind words. He doesn’t object, though and just remains silent.

“Maybe it’s even for the better, who knows?” Adam continues. “I don’t have to hide anymore. I can just be who I am and with whom I want to be. It’s also a relief somehow. Playing professional football has always been my dream, yes. But the cracks begin to show now. How could I be happy in a world where I’m not accepted for who I am?” 

Adam looks down on the floor. “I’ve always known it, but now that I actually have to feel it, it’s still different and it hurts,” he adds sadly.

“Tell me what I can do to make it better,” Theo says, his voice has almost a pleading tone.

“It’s already enough that you’re here. Just hold me…” Adam gives back softly.

And that’s what Theo does. After a while of just holding Adam in his arms and stroking his back, Theo starts nuzzling his neck and nibbling his earlobe. Then he plants soft kisses on his ear and moves on to his cheek, over his nose and down until he reaches the lips. Adam replies to the kiss and enjoys the feeling of Theo’s soft and warm lips against his own.

He could go on like that forever. The cuddles and sweet kisses are exactly what he needs right now. But the younger one apparently has other things in mind, when he starts deepening the kiss, pushing his tongue between Adam’s lips, intruding his mouth. Adam knows where this is heading and actually he isn’t really in the mood for it at the moment. He just wants physical closeness without it having to be sexual, but for Theo those things don’t seem to exist separately. 

Adam hesitates for a moment, pondering if he should stop Theo, but the other is persistent and in the end he gives in to him, letting the kiss become more passionately. Maybe it’s the right kind of distraction after all. Good thing is he doesn’t have to think for a while. 

They let their tongues slide together over and over again. The kisses are hot and wet and Theo lets out these small sounds that Adam always likes to hear. Their breathing has already become uneven and Adam feels the familiar pressure in his groin. He tears Theo’s shirt out of his trousers and Theo does the same to him, both eager to feel the other’s skin. When the shirts are gone, Theo presses himself against Adam and lets his hand slide between his legs. He begins to massage his erection through his pants and at the same time sucks on his throat, where he knows Adam has a pleasure spot. Adam lets out a moan and moves his hand to Theo’s ass, squeezing lightly. 

“How do you want it?” Theo whispers in his ear seductively and Adam is pulled out of his haze, going stiff for a moment. He feels irritated by Theo’s question and the way he asked it. It hits a sore point, reminding him of the times when Theo was a prostitute and he just his client, times he would rather not think about anymore. He pushes Theo off him not too gently. One sentence was enough to ruin his mood.

Theo blinks at him in confusion but Adam delivers the explanation in the next moment. “God Theo! Stop behaving like a … you know. I don’t like that. We are not in your room in 42nd Street anymore!” The second the words have left his mouth, Adam realizes he’s maybe overreacting. But everything that happened in the last hours has totally thrown him off course, left him vulnerable and thin-skinned and Theo’s behaviour really doesn’t help him at the moment. He needs a loving partner and not someone who thinks every situation can be saved with sex and just seems to care about how to seduce him.

Theo stares at him. There’s shock and hurt written over his face but he composes himself quickly. His expression changes into one of defiance. “Oh you don’t like that? That surprises me!” The sarcastic tone in his voice cannot be overheard.

“What are you saying?” Adam gets out through gritted teeth.

A cynical grin is forming on Theo’s lips. “Of course we are not in 42nd Street anymore. But let’s just face the truth. I’m your personal whore now, Adam. So where’s the difference?”

Adam feels like he can’t breathe anymore. How can Theo say something like that? His words cut him deeper than a knife. He thinks he’s never been so hurt in his whole life. “So that’s how you see our relationship?” he forces out, hardly trusting his voice.

Theo just shrugs and looks away. He has totally closed off, making it impossible for Adam to read him. Doesn’t Theo understand how much he means to him? He has always regarded them as equals in this relationship and would never want them to be anything else. 

“I told you numerous times how deeply I care for you. Doesn’t that count anything? And I was so stupid to think you felt the same! But apparently you just feel forced to satisfy me in bed. I would have never touched you if I had known…” The more Adam says, the angrier he gets.

“Oh you wouldn’t have? You’re such a hypocrite Adam! You loved fucking me while I was still a prostitute. Always hungry for more…” Theo spits out.

“That’s not fair, Theo. The situation was a whole different one back then. I thought we are way past this. I wanted a future with you. I wanted to share my life with you. Hell, I sacrificed my whole career because of you!” Adam screams on the verge of tears now. “I take care for you and your siblings and all I get is a kick in the ass!” 

“And there they are, the first reproaches! Fuck you Adam! You and your stupid money!” 

Okay, that’s enough. Adam can’t take it anymore. “Get out of my house!” 

There’s a moment of hesitation, Theo just looking at him, pressing his teeth together, before he snaps: “Alright! I’ll be out in a second.” He picks up his shirt from the floor, pulls it over and then makes his way to the bedroom, where he packs his things into a suitcase. 

Adam’s just sitting there in the living room, feeling as if he was caught in a nightmare. Except that he can’t just wake up from it and everything will be fine again. The next thing he hears is a door falling shut. Theo has left without saying goodbye. 

Adam breaks down the second Theo is gone and lets himself cry for what feels like an eternity. He has never felt so low in his entire life. He’s lost everything. First his job and his career, he’s worked so hard for and now Theo, whom he loves more than he has ever loved anyone.

But is it really over now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knowwww. Another tough chapter. Hope you don't hate me, haha. But I swear it get's better from here. ;)


	10. And if you take my hand I’ll leave it all behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter for the weekend... Hope you enjoy the reunion. ;)

He never knew the days could be so long and the nights even longer. He also didn’t know it could hurt so much to miss someone. It’s been two weeks since Theo left and nothing makes sense anymore. The pain he feels over losing Theo even numbed the one over losing his career. The other is all he can think about. A thousand times he let his finger hover over Theo’s name in his phone contacts, wanting to call him but he never did. What else was there to say if Theo really feels about their relationship this way? He wants Theo to be his, but even more he wants him to be free. Free in his choices and decisions. If his heart didn’t choose Adam it’s better they ended it even though it tears him apart. But he could bear it even less, if Theo stayed with him for the wrong reasons. Adam wonders if Theo went back to 42nd Street, back to his old life but actually he doesn’t really want to know, there’s only so much he can take. 

It comes as a complete surprise when Theo’s standing at his front door one evening. Adam’s blinking at him, not believing that the other is really there. 

“Can I come in?” Theo asks carefully and gets Adam into motion again.

He steps aside and lets the younger one enter his house. “I thought I’d never see you again…” he says and means it.

“Did you also hope to never see me again? If that’s the case, I’d understand…” Theo mumbles, standing there awkwardly in the hallway, fidgeting with the rings on his hands. Adam has never seen him so unsure.

He thinks about his answer carefully. “I don’t really know anymore, Theo. Maybe it would be better if we never saw each other again, yes.” 

Theo bites his lips. He was clearly hoping for a different answer, but Adam can’t give him that. He’s still too hurt and disappointed. “Adam, I’m here to tell you that I’m sorry. I’ve been an asshole… Would you at least let me explain?”

Adam can’t deny that he’s feeling relieved about Theo’s apology. It gives him back a bit of hope that not everything might be lost yet, but he doesn’t want to show it to Theo. He doesn’t want to make it too easy for him, so he just shrugs and gives him an indifferent “Ok shoot, I’m all ears.”

“I didn’t mean what I said to you…” Theo starts, still looking very uncomfortable in his own skin. “I know it was stupid, but I guess I just wanted to hurt you back because you… implied I was behaving like a whore…” He trails off.

Adam realizes how hard his own words must have hit Theo and feels guilt rise up in him. “About that… I’m sorry, too. I was overreacting because this whole mess got the better of me. I shouldn’t have said it.”

Theo looks at him with doubt in his eyes. “Are you sure it was just that? I’ve been thinking about it a lot for the past two weeks and maybe you were right. I’ve been trying so hard to just live a normal life and have a normal relationship but I don’t even know how to do that. Maybe I can’t be anything else but a whore…” 

There’s so much desperation in his eyes now and Adam wants nothing more than to make it go away. Without any further thought he steps close to Theo and just takes him in his arms. “Please, don’t say that. This is your past and it’s over. And even back then when you were still working at 42nd Street, to me you’ve always been more than that. I’ve always loved you for who you are.”

He can feel Theo tremble in his arms and then a loud sob bursts out of him. Adam tries to calm him down but the other just fists his shirt tightly, while the sobs are becoming stronger and so Adam just lets him cry into the crook of his neck. He strokes over Theo’s back over and over again.

“I don’t deserve you Adam,” Theo mumbles against his skin. “You’re the only one who ever really loved me and I fucked it up because I didn’t know how to take it.” 

“Shhh Theo, it’s okay. It doesn’t have to be too late…” Adam whispers in his ear, trying to console him. At that Theo looks up at him, his eyes red and puffy but hopeful. His gaze flickers down to Adam’s lips and then he leans in for a careful and tender kiss.

Adam closes his eyes at the first touch of Theo’s lips against his own and after a moment of hesitation he slowly responds to the kiss. He feels Theo’s warm breath wash over his face and his tongue slide between his lips. Adam opens his mouth and lets him in, lets him deepen the kiss. Theo pushes himself even closer, his hands that were resting in Adam’s neck now wandering down over his chest, finding the buttons of his shirt.

Adam opens his eyes and stops him by placing his hands over Theo’s. “Theo wait… Do you think this is right now? We still need to talk about things…”

“I know, but I need this now. Adam please…” Theo’s breathing has already become irregular. He draws Adam in into another hot kiss, nibbling slightly on his lower lip.

Adam is debating with himself for another moment. He knows that they should rather talk than solve their problems with sex, but in the end his own need for Theo is just too strong and he’s unable to resist him any longer. He lets go of the other’s hands and instead starts tucking Theo’s white t-shirt out of his trousers so that he can pull it over his head. 

They undress quickly and when he finally feels Theo’s naked skin against his own, he realizes that they are still standing in his hallway. He cups Theo’s butt and lifts him up, intending to carry him into the living room. Theo lets out a surprised sound but immediately slings his arms around Adam’s neck and wraps his legs around his waist. While being carried he caresses the other’s throat with his teeth and tongue, which drives Adam so crazy that he decides the way to the living room is too long. He sets Theo down onto the next commode and steps between his legs. 

Theo just grins up at him, doesn’t seem to care about the slightly uncomfortable position he’s in. Adam is so turned on by now that he doesn’t want to put off the inevitable any longer and wets his fingers with saliva. He circles Theo’s hole with one finger and then pushes in to prepare him for what is about to come. Theo gasps at his touches and holds on tightly to Adam’s shoulders. 

Since they are both painfully hard and not very patient at the moment, Adam cuts the preparation short, pulls Theo closer to the edge of the commode and enters him with one hard thrust. They both groan out in unison and Adam starts moving inside of him. Theo pulls him down for some hot and messy kisses and tries to meet his thrusts as best as he can in his position. Since he’s pretty worked up already it only takes a few strokes on Theo’s cock to make him cry out and shoot his load between their bodies. With the feeling of Theo contracting around him, Adam reaches his climax as well. He slumps down on Theo the moment after, when all strength seems to have left his body.

He’s listening to Theo’s wild heartbeat until he feels the other man slightly stir under him. “Um Adam, can you maybe get off me? You’re kind of crushing me and my back is killing me already.”

“Oh yeah of course, sorry…” he mumbles, while getting up and carefully pulling out. He helps Theo getting on his feet as well before he leans in for a slow and loving kiss. “That was hot,” Theo mumbles against his lips and Adam can only agree. “Bedroom?” he asks after they parted.

“Yeah, sounds good but maybe we should visit the bathroom on the way,” Theo says with a chuckle while glancing down on their bodies.   
“Alright then,” Adam grins and gives Theo a playful slap on the ass.

*

After they have taken a shower together, they’ve settled down in Adam’s bed, cuddling. It could be a perfect moment, but Adam can’t let himself relax with all those things in mind that are still left unspoken. So, after a while, in which no one wanted to break the silence, Adam eventually speaks up, even though it’s not easy to find the right words.   
“Theo… I need to ask you because it’s really killing me. Did I ever give you the feeling that you are my…” he closes his eyes for a moment. Even thinking about those words is painful, but he needs to get it out. “… my personal whore? Since we’ve been together? I know you said you didn’t mean it but it’s still hard to forget… And I really can’t live with the thought that you only stay with me out of dependency.”

Theo looks him in the eyes, places his hand on his cheek, caressing him softly. “God, I wish I could take those words back… I’m so sorry, Adam. I need you to know that when I slept with you, then it was because I wanted it and not because I was feeling any sort of obligation to do so.”

Adam can see that he means it and he feels such a great relief at that. “But where did it come from then?” he returns, still not completely satisfied. 

Theo lets out a sigh. “I guess I just have a problem with myself. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just… I’m feeling so useless most of the time. You give me so much, and I can’t give anything back… It bothers me that I still wasn’t able to find a job.” Finally Theo is able to talk about his demons with Adam.

“Oh Theo, please don’t think too much about the money. There are more important things in life. And you could never be useless… you mean so much to me.” To underline his words, Adam plants a small kiss on Theo’s cheek.

“So do we still have a chance?” Theo’s looking at him like a little boy, his eyes big and hopeful.

Adam wants nothing more than to say “Yes” and live with Theo happily for the rest of their lives, but he knows it’s not that easy. They need to be totally honest with each other right now, if they want things to work out. “I still believe in us, Theo and you know how I feel for you. But what about you? You never told me… I’m always scared that you’re not really happy with me.”

“But I am happy when I’m with you!” Theo bursts out. So many emotions can be seen on his face, open and raw. “I know I haven’t done a very good job in showing it to you, but I never felt so good with someone in my whole life. Maybe I had to lose you first to understand what you really mean to me…”

There’s a moment of silence where they just look into each other’s eyes. Theo’s heart is beating like crazy. “God, why is this so difficult to say?” he chuckles nervously.

When he feels Adam taking his hand and giving it an assuring squeeze, he pulls himself together, takes a deep breath and finally says the words he should have said weeks ago. “I… I love you Adam. I really do.” He grabs Adam’s hand and pushes it against his own chest, where the other can feel a thundering heartbeat. “Can you feel it? It beats just for you!” 

Adam feels overwhelmed by his own feelings. He’s longed to hear Theo say those words for so long and now he did it in such a beautiful way. “God Theo…” he chokes out, taking a shaky breath. Next he cups Theo’s head in his hand, pulling him close, so that their lips can meet. “I love you, too. So much…” he whispers against the other’s skin. They kiss for what feels like an eternity. Nothing else matters but the feeling of being close to each other. When they finally part, their lips are red and swollen, but they are formed into a smile.

“Where have you been the last two weeks? You didn’t go back to Charlie, did you?” Adam asks carefully.

“No, of course not. I don’t wanna go back there ever again.” Just speaking about it makes Theo’s whole body tense up. “I’ve been with my siblings… we had a lot to talk about. I mean, they also read the article where I was revealed as a former prostitute and of course it came as a total shock for them, since they didn’t know anything.”

For the first time Adam realizes that this whole outing-thing had consequences for Theo as well. He had been so busy with pitying himself that he didn’t even think about what it meant for Theo. He could scold himself for his own ignorance. But he can’t go back and change the past, he can only make it better in the future and he wants to be there for Theo. “And how did they take it?”

Theo sighs. “It wasn’t easy to talk with them about it. The girls didn’t even know that I am interested in men as well. I was scared that they would be disappointed in me and look at me differently now that the whole truth was out. But actually they were all really sweet and made it clear that we are one family and will always be there for each other no matter what.” Theo is clearly moved by the memory. “But of course it was hard for them to take in all those new revelations. My sisters cried because they knew I did it for them in the first place and they felt guilty that I had to go through that for those past years. My brother was very supportive. Even though he’s younger than me, he had to be the strong one this time. He held me together when… when I was nearly falling apart. We talked a lot, also about you. He listened to me and tried to give me advice. Actually it was him who encouraged me to go back to you and finally tell you how I feel… I really don’t know what I would have done without Jak.” 

Adam hugs Theo tightly. “You have great siblings, Theo. And I’m so glad that you came back to me. I will have to thank Jak personally, when I hopefully have the chance to meet him soon.

“Oh yes, I would love for you to meet my siblings. We will do that soon!” Theo exclaims excited. “Actually they all were very curious about you and they still can’t wrap their mind around the fact that I’m dating such a famous man.”

Adam chuckles at that. “Well, now that I’m not a footballer anymore, people will probably forget about me soon…” He still feels sad about the loss of his career but already more hopeful again now that he has Theo back.

Theo places a kiss on his neck. “I’m still so sorry how everything went. Can you deal with it? I mean playing football has always been your dream…”

“I guess I have to. I need to let go of the past. We both have to.” Adam looks at Theo, only now realizing that they are somehow in the same boat. They are both at a turning point in their lives now. “It’s never too late to start again. I don’t know yet where the path will lead, but I’m happy as long as you are by my side. That’s everything that matters to me.”

Theo smiles at him and it’s a genuine and happy smile. “I love you,” he whispers before he cuddles against Adam’s chest. He’s very tired by now after the emotional rollercoaster ride and a small yawn is escaping his mouth. But before his eyes fall shut he mumbles “Everything will turn out fine in the end… “ and for the first time in his life he actually believes it.


	11. Wonderful life

*A few months later*

“Theo?... What the hell are you doing in there? You occupy the bathroom now for almost two hours!”

“Use the other one and let me fix my hair in peace!” comes Theo’s annoyed voice through the closed door.

“Alright… just wanted to check if you’re still alive,” Adam chuckles, shaking his head.

Today is a very important day for both of them. In a few hours they will give their first interview together. So many things have happened during the last months since they have given their relationship a second chance. Theo has found a job. Well, it was nothing great and nothing he sees himself doing on the long run. Just a part-time job cutting the grass on the graveyard. But for Theo it was very important to just do something, to not feel so useless anymore. So he decided to take this job, even though it doesn’t bring that much money of course. But it’s better than nothing and Theo is happy that he is able to pay some of the bills or do the grocery shopping with his own money and things like that.

Adam is just happy about the fact that Theo seems to be more content with his current situation. They both seem to let go of the past more and more. Adam decided to give himself time to figure out what he wants to do in the future, now that he was no professional football player anymore. He didn’t have to worry about money, so for the first time in his life he could do whatever he wanted. And that’s what he did. He started making music together with Theo. Luckily the other still had enough time besides his job. 

It actually just started as a hobby, some kind of therapy for both of them. There was some shit they wanted to leave behind and the best way they could work it out, was with music. It gave them an outlet, an opportunity to express their feelings in a special way. They learned a lot together and soon it felt as if they’ve been doing this for years already. They’ve noticed early on that the dynamic they develop while working together is something unique. 

At some point the question where they wanted to go with it was inevitable. Adam knew that it had always been Theo’s dream to become popular with his own music, to be able to do this for a living. And he had to admit he liked the idea more and more. There has only ever been football for him as a profession but now things were different and making music was something he could see himself doing for the rest of his life.

That’s why they decided to give it a try and published one of their songs on the internet together as a band. The song is called ‘Wonderful Life’, a reminder for everyone to never give up because there is always a thing worth living for. Emotional lyrics with a deep meaning for both of them. With the publication of ‘Wonderful life’ they wanted to check the peoples’ reaction in the first place. They knew there would be reactions, since Adam was famous all around the world and since the outing scandal had been in every magazine, Theo has reached some fame as well, even though not for the reasons he would like to be known by people. But maybe that could change in the future.

First of all people reacted with surprise. Hardly anyone knew that Adam had a passion for music, the public only ever knew him as a football player of course. There were of course haters who either have never liked him or just dislike him now that he was outed as gay. There were also mean comments about Theo’s past as a prostitute, but that’s what they had expected beforehand. They just try to not let it get to them. However, what they didn’t expect was the overwhelming mass of positive reactions to their work. People seemed to genuinely like the music they had created and were already asking for a whole album. 

That was when Adam and Theo decided to give it a try, to introduce Hurts, how they called their band, to the world. Only time will show if the peoples’ interest will last or if it’s just now because of the special circumstances. But they won’t lose anything if it doesn’t work out, they can only win.

And today is the day they are invited on live television to give their first interview as a band. They plan to talk about their music and upcoming album of course but they also know that there will be other questions… private ones. About them as a couple, about the past and so on. They talked about this beforehand and decided that they don’t wanna give away too much because not everything is meant for the public but they want to be honest with people.

Adam is nervously chewing his gum while he’s still waiting for Theo to finally get out of that damn bathroom. Even though Adam is actually used to being interviewed this is still different. After the scandal he had given an official statement that he and the club Manchester United have decided to part ways and that it was a mutual decision and crap like that. Since then he withdrew himself from the public completely. And now this will be his first appearance after months and it will be the first time he will not be talking about football. 

Adam takes a sip from his tea, trying to calm his nerves when Theo finally joins him into the kitchen. He’s wearing his best suit and a white shirt, his hair neatly combed to one side, fixed with lots of hair gel. He looks stunning; Adam can only stare at him in awe. 

“And what do you think? Is my appearance okay?” Theo’s voice pulls him out of his reverie. 

“I think you are gorgeous. The time you spent in the bathroom was apparently worth it,” he grins at Theo.

“Thanks,” Theo gives back, accompanied by a short chuckle.

“Are you nervous?” Adam wants to know. He can’t even imagine how Theo must be feeling. The world of media is completely new to him.

“It’s ok,” Theo gives him a short glance and bites his lips while he grabs a teabag for himself from the box that is still sitting on the kitchen counter. He curses the next moment when it falls to the floor because of his shaky movements. 

“Hey…” Adam gets up and walks over to him, taking the teabag, Theo has just picked up, out of his hand. “You don’t have to act brave with me. I’m nervous as well…” He lifts one hand up to stroke lightly over Theo’s cheek.

Theo looks at him with his Bambi eyes and lets out a deep sigh. “I’m not just nervous. I’m terrified actually…” he admits while wrapping his arms around Adam and placing his head on the other’s shoulder. Adam lets his fingers slide to Theo’s neck, caressing him.

“I’m sure you have nothing to be scared of. You will do great and wrap everyone immediately around your finger, you little charmer…”

Theo lets out a small laugh at that and lifts his head from Adam’s shoulder to be able to give him a kiss. “Thank you for always saying the right thing…” he mumbles against his lips.

Adam loses himself in the heavenly feeling of Theo’s mouth against his own, until the younger one pulls back in order to check his watch. “I think we should get going, if we don’t wanna be late.”

*

“We made it!” Theo shouts out triumphantly and jumps into Adam’s arms the moment the door of their dressing room closes behind them.

Adam doesn’t even get the chance to answer before his mouth is occupied by Theo who pulled him in for a stormy kiss.

“You were great!” Adam finally gets out, after they parted to catch their breath. “But I haven’t expected anything else.”

Theo answers him with a disarming smile. “You too,” he says, his eyes sparkling from happiness. 

The interview really went very well. Adam could tell the female interviewer was smitten by Theo the minute she saw him, which was maybe a little bonus. She asked good questions, that gave them the chance to introduce themselves to the world as musicians. They could talk about what kind of music they wanted to make, what inspired them, what kind of band they wanted to be and what their plans are for the near future.

But they were also asked if it’s true that they are a couple, which they proudly confirmed while interlacing their hands. And then the interviewer asked Theo if he wanted to say something to the rumours of him being a former prostitute.

Theo took a deep breath, squeezing Adam’s hand a bit tighter and then he looked directly into the camera. “I don’t wanna start my new life with a lie and I don’t want people to speculate too much, so the answer is: Yes, I have been a prostitute. There were times in my life that were quiet tough and not every decision has been made easily. But I hope you understand that I won’t say anything else about that subject, since some things in life should remain private. This part of my life belongs to the past and I want to concentrate on a better future now with Adam and with music.” His gaze shifted away from the camera and instead he looked Adam straight in the eyes, who could only stare back at him adoringly. Sparks flying between them for everyone to see.

Adam almost forgot they were still part of a TV show, but he didn’t really care. He wanted to show the whole world what Theo means to him and he couldn’t be more proud of his partner. Adam knew he would do a good job, but the sovereignty, he answered all those questions with, really blew him away. It comes natural to Theo, something he himself has always lacked. But now Adam knows he doesn’t have to worry about those things so much anymore. Theo will be a perfect frontman for Hurts and will also do a fantastic job in representing the band in future interviews.

“I’m so glad that everything went so well and the interviewer was really nice.” Theo’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

“Hmm-mh. Could it be that you flirted a bit with her?” Adam gives back, intending it to come out a bit more serious but he can’t suppress the smile forming on his lips. 

“Never!” Theo exclaims with faked bewilderment and adds more seriously: “There’s no need to be jealous, because I only want you…” And with that he kisses Adam again tenderly. Adam just shuts his eyes and lets himself enjoy Theo’s warms and soft touches. 

After a while, before things are getting too intense, their make-out session is interrupted by Adam’s phone vibrating in his pocket. When he sees it’s Paul, he answers the phone with a grin.

“Oh my god! You were so fabulous in that interview. Both of you! I’m so proud and when you looked each other in the eyes all lovie-dovie, oh god I swear I nearly cried!!” Paul’s excited voice comes through the speaker and Adam has to laugh.

Over the past months things between Paul and Theo have developed really great. When Theo could finally accept and embrace his place in Adam’s life, he also wanted to get to know Adam’s friends. So they started a second try with Paul, who was much more open than the first time he met Theo. By then Paul had understood and accepted that the relationship between Adam and Theo is serious and that they are both fighting hard to make it work. Thus he really didn’t want to complicate the situation by being a jerk towards Theo. Once the ice was broken between them, they discovered they actually get along really well, not just for the sake of Adam. And now they even bond over Adam from time to time which makes Adam complain ever so often but in reality he is just happy that two people who are so important in his life have found a way to each other. 

“Jesus Paul, stop screaming in my ear! And thank you! We are very happy with how the interview went as well.” Theo makes an agreeing sound next to him and then continues torturing Adam’s throat with soft nibbles of his teeth and lips while he lets his hand slide up and down his thigh.

“So, where are you guys now? Still in the studio? We should celebrate the great interview!” Paul has already caught fire for this idea.

“Yeah, um… ah fuck… we are still at the studio…” Adam can’t really concentrate on the conversation anymore with Theo’s sweet torture distracting him big time. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Paul’s dumbfounded voice comes through the phone. At that Theo starts giggling and Adam escapes another moan. 

“Oh my god, I see! You have already started the party without me. Well, just call me when you are finished with fucking each other senseless. Have a nice evening. Bye!”

“Well then… I guess we will never call him back…” Theo purrs and Adam just shakes his head. “You’re impossible, really!”

“But you like it!” Theo points out playfully.

“I tell you what I’d really like now. You. In our bed. Naked. Beautifully stretched out.” Adam feels a heat wave wash through him at his own words.

Theo’s eyes turn dark and he immediately gets up from the couch. “Alright. Let’s go!”

*

After finally reaching their home, Adam hardly manages to put the key into the lock with Theo’s teasing fingers all over his body. 

“Come on, hurry up…” Theo whispers from behind.

“If you would take your hands away for some seconds, there’s a chance I could actually concentrate,” Adam gives back a bit breathlessly.  
They are behaving like teenagers but neither of them cares.

With a chuckle Theo releases him for some moments but is all over him again as soon as they are inside the house. Adam lets himself be pressed against the door, Theo’s mouth crashes against his own. There are lips, tongues and teeth involved, everything molding together. Adam hears Theo’s breath hitching, his own blood rushing. 

“Bedroom, now!” he commands, grabbing Theo’s hand in the process and pulling him along.

“I don’t mind if you do me in the hallway again,” Theo mumbles behind him.

“Theo!” Adam groans. “I said I want you sprawled out in the bed and then I will slowly take you apart…”

“Uhhh, sounds like the sweetest torture,” Theo says, anticipation in his voice.

The next moment he is thrown onto the bed by Adam, who is immediately on top of him, attacking his throat with bites, licks and kisses.

“I want you, Theo! I want you so damn fucking much…” he breathes against Theo’s already damp skin.

“Oh god, yes!” Theo hisses, already busy with tearing their clothes off.

When there are no layers separating them anymore, Adam forces himself to slow down a bit, so that he can make his promise true. He wants to take his time with Theo, worship his body, make him lose his mind. He lets his hand roam over Theo’s well defined muscles, lips gracing salty skin. He touches him everywhere, except for the parts where Theo graves his touch the most desperately.

“Adam please…” Theo whines, tucking on Adam’s hand “Touch me already!”

Adam loves seeing the other so needy, but he finally complies with the words: “Since you asked so nicely…”

Theo instantly thrust up into his hand, but Adam doesn’t want to give him too much yet, so he just strokes him lightly, which makes Theo growl in frustration.  
Adam just smirks at him and then lowers his lips to Theo’s stomach, planting some feathery kisses there. Theo twitches at the contact. He grabs Adam’s hair, pulling him south, showing him where exactly he wants his mouth.

Adam goes along with it but before he reaches his goal he stops up and takes a second to bury his nose in Theo’s pubic hair, inhaling his scent deeply. The action sends a jolt into his own groin, making him hurry up at least a bit. So, next he finally takes Theo’s length in his mouth, caressing him with licks and kisses, already tasting pre-come. Theo lets out a strangled sound and tightens his grip on Adam’s head, trying to make him take more. 

But Adam just swirls his tongue teasingly around the tip before he lets his lips wander further down between Theo’s legs. His tongue sliding over Theo’s balls, which earns him a whimper from the other. Adam then continues his way to his actual goal. At the first contact of his mouth with Theo’s hole, the other sits up with a jolt, locking eyes with Adam. They’ve never gone there before, so Adam stops for a moment and just waits for Theo to give him a sign if he’s okay with it or not. Theo just licks his lips and then lowers his head on the pillow again, a breathless “Fuck, Adam” escaping his mouth. 

Adam, pleased with his work so far, tries out another lick and another. The stimulation drives Theo crazy. He’s moaning shamelessly with every touch, finally begging Adam to fuck him already. After Adam has prepared him thoroughly with his tongue and fingers, he’s more than happy to grand Theo his wish.

The moment their bodies are connected is a relief for both of them, the feeling of closeness and intimacy overwhelming. Sweaty bodies are moving against each other, all tangled up. Groans, ragged breathing and the sounds of wet kisses fill the otherwise silent room. They both try their best to make it last but the point, where all the boxed up energy wants to break free, draws closer with every movement. Then there’s no holding back anymore. They finally allow themselves to indulge into the feeling of pure bliss. Intense and beautiful. Eyes are never leaving the others’ while riding out their high together. 

*

Adam wakes up in the middle of the night, not knowing what has pulled him out of his sleep. He can feel a cool breeze wash over his only half covered body. But it’s comforting since it’s a warm summer night. The next moment, his mind already more awake, he realizes that he’s alone in bed. He sits up, thinking about where he should go looking for Theo, when the wide opened door to the balcony catches his eye. He’s pretty sure it was closed, when they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms, totally exhausted.

Adam gets up, putting on some briefs and moves over to the balcony. There he is standing, his silhouette standing out against the bright light of the full moon. It’s a beautiful picture and suddenly Adam is reminded of a moment from months ago. Theo surrounded by flashing lights, his silhouette appearing on a small stage. Adam hasn’t thought about this for a while, always trying to suppress the memories from those days. 

But now, he lets the flashback linger, doesn’t push it away. It feels as if it’s a faint memory from another life, even though barely a year has gone by between then and now. So many things have changed and for the first time Adam finds himself looking back with a smile on his face. They’ve come a long way, which was far from easy. There has been pain and despair, but never without hope. Adam realizes that he can embrace both now, the good and the bad moments, because every little thing is part of their story. It might not have been the conventional way, but it was their way. Everything that happened has formed the persons they are and made them the couple they are, with a deep connection that is still growing stronger day by day.

He slowly approaches Theo from behind and with the way the other slightly turns his head in his direction he assumes Theo is already aware of his presence.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks, while he closes the distance between them so that his chest is pressed against Theo’s back. He lets his hands slide over Theo’s arms. The other is wearing an unbuttoned shirt and boxers.

“Hmm, I’m just thinking…” Theo gives back, leaning into his touch. “Everything always seems clearer at night, not so many distractions. Everything’s calm and my mind can focus.”

“Okay… wanna share your thoughts?” Adam lets his hands slide over Theo’s chest, feeling the cool skin under his fingertips, which indicates the other must have been out there for a while.

“Nothing specific actually… I’m just thinking about life in general. So many things have changed in ways I would have never expected. Sometimes I just need to take a moment to wrap my mind around the fact that this is my life now,” Theo gives back with a hint of wonder in his voice.

“Are you happy?”

“Yes.” There’s no hesitation whatsoever. No doubts, no second thoughts. It’s a simple answer to a simple question. One little word, but the meaning behind it so much bigger. Adam places a kiss behind Theo’s ear and wraps his arms tightly around his body.

After some moments the silence of the night is broken by Theo’s voice again. “You know, I was thinking… with you I feel as if anything was possible… as if I could fly, if I would be jumping off that balcony right now.”

Adam has to chuckle at Theo’s figurative words. “I’m glad you feel that way, but please don’t take it too literally. I still need you!”

Theo lets out a small laugh. “Don’t worry, you won’t get rid of me so easily. You’re stuck with me now.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Yes.” Again, just one word. But the conviction in it, everything Adam needs to hear. 

Before he is able to respond something, Theo turns around in his embrace, catching his lips into a kiss, light as the summer breeze and Adam knows no words are needed anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! I hope you like the way the story ended and I'm still grateful for everyone who lets me know.  
> With this story it's been an amazing journey, really. The exchange we had was incredible and it was so much fun this way. Thank you so, so much!! You made it really special. <3


End file.
